Written In Reverse

Part 10

Marami agad nag comment ng 'get well soon'.

Oh my god! What have I done?

Biglang may nag bara sa lalamunan ko and I can feel my stomach drop.

***FLASHBACK***

"Wag na wag mong isipin yan. Masakit at napakahirap din to para sa akin but I need to choose myself this time. Habang may natitira pa" pinakalma ko yung boses ko so Deanna will know that I'm dead serious.

Hindi ko sya pinagbuksan ng pinto because I know my weakness. I can't stand to see her cry.

Pag nakita ko yun, tyak na mawawala agad yung galit ko. And I will take her back in a heartbeat at iseset aside na naman namin yung away namin and before we know it, we'll be back in the same cycle.

Actually, my plan was to talk to her after the conference at baka ma work out pa namin.

Pero si Deanna kasi. She's just showing how selfish she is kasi sariling feelings pa rin nya ang inuna nya even though I asked for space muna.

Mahirap ba talaga yun?

She just ruined my plan. Instead of giving this another chance, I made the decision na tapusin nalang talaga.

Punong puno na kasi ako at siguro dahil din sa galit.

"Milo! Come here!" I sternly said when I heard Deanna's footsteps walking away on the other side of the door.

Natakot naman si Milo sakin. Di kasi sya sanay na sinisigawan but with his head down and slow careful steps ay lumapit pa rin sya sakin.

"Oh I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry. Mommy didn't mean to yell at you. I know you just missed her too." I said while picking him up at hinele sya na parang baby.

I wasn't easy walking away from someone that you still love so much. I know it's gonna be hard to move on from her but in the long run, I can really see that it's for the best.

Or is it?

I still love her so much though. Kaya ko ba talaga panindigan to?

Siguro I'll be preoccupied sa training and sa conference but what happens after that?

Pag di na busy for sure I will feel her absence. Will I come running back to her pa rin?

Let's just see nalang siguro pag tapos na to lahat.

***END OF FLASHBACK***

"Pwede ba Jema? Please... Kahit magpanggap ka lang na mahal mo pa ako. Just let me stay. Kahit kunwari lang. Kailangan lang kitang makita." her words were still echoing in my head.

Kaya pala ako pinuntahan ni Deanna non.

She needed me. She needed me so bad and I turned her away.

All this time akala ko ang selfish ng ginawa nya but it was me...I failed her.

Napatayo ako at nagmadaling pumunta ng CR. Nagbabadya na kasing tumulo yung mga luha ko.

When I finally reached the bathroom, I locked the cubicle and don na ako na breakdown.

What have I done to Deanna? Nangako ako sa kanya that I would always be there whatever happens pero wala. Inuna ko yung galit ko.

"Bes, okay ka lang?" nag-aalalang tanong ni Kyla.

I didn't even notice her come into the bathroom.

"Yeah bes. I just need a moment." yung boses ko halatang halata na umiiyak ako.

"Bes, you couldn't have known. Wag mo masyado parusahan ang sarili mo."

"How could I know when I didn't even give her the chance to explain. Tinaboy ko sya agad bes. Tinaboy ko sya in one of her most challenging moments.Siguro kung...siguro kung-" Hindi ko na matapos yung sasabihin ko.

I hate myself.

Deanna will never forgive me for this.

"Jem?" I heard another voice.

Si Jia ata.

Narinig kong lumapit din sya sa pintuan ng cubicle.

"I'm sorry."

Huh? Ba't sya nag sosorry?

"Alam ko kasi yung about kay tito pero Deanna said not to tell you. She didn't wanna play the sympathy card kasi. Ayaw nya raw mapilitan ka lang kasi naawa ka sa kanya" pagpapatuloy ni Jia.

I opened the door and faced them both.

"It's okay Jia. I understand."

She hugged me.

"Sorry talaga. I just didn't feel like it's my place to tell you."

"Okay lang hehe ano ka ba" I tried to compose myself and sound cheerful.Jia and Kyla helped me fix myself up bago kami bumalik sa group.

I wanted to reach into the screen and grab Deanna. Kung pwede lang din lumipad pa punta sa kanya eh.

Feeling ko ang sama sama kong tao.

Deanna. I'm so sorry.

Author's Note: Thank you for your patience guys.

Be kind to everyone.