poems

2021

life

too scared to die
but don't wanna live

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glow stick

a glow stick
breaks
before it can glow
when will i break
so i can glow
i've broke before
why aren't i glowing?

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chores

getting out of bed
brushing my teeth
taking a shower
eating a meal
doing school

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drifting pt2

am i drifting
or is it just the distance
pulling me away
pulling us apart
the words you say
straight through my head
right through my heart
i still feel you
but my feelings
are weakening
i miss the start

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brown eyed girl

i can't figure out
if i'm jealous of her
or in love with her

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graveyard

the air
the breeze
i felt safe
you were there
so i felt even safer

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high

a dream like state
head gets foggy
the things a plant can do
i don't need the plant anymore
i feel this way all the time.

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changes

something i need
but can't decide if i want
constantly happening
i don't get to choose

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the red van

sitting at the edge
pondering my existence
watching as the cars go by
picturing myself standing there
in the street awaiting my death
she pulls into the street
a blonde woman with a big red van
she starts to slow down
and as she rolls her window down
i almost want to cry
cry at the thought, the feeling
that a stranger would care
she asks me are you okay
my mood immediately fixates itself
into the fake image of me
the part of me who pretends happiness
yeah thank you, forcing my lips cheek to cheek
i could have been honest
to the stranger who knows nothing about me
but i don't let people in
why don't i let people in?
i am so desperate for that feeling of caring
but i never seem to let anyone in
she drives off onto the street
but returns a few seconds later driving back
back onto the road i ponder of standing
she didn't even live nearby
she saw someone sitting staring at the street she took the time to stop and care
that's all it takes

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paradise

water like her eyes
clear as her mind
as the sun sinks down
so does her heart
it sinks into the sand
her eyes melt into the night sky
she finally feels at home
pointing out the constellations
taking one last hit of happiness
it fills her lungs as she lays back
into where her heart belongs

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veins

as their energy levels decrease
the poison intake increases
as the toxins set in
they smile from ear to ear
is this what happiness feels like?
but as time goes by
the more the poison intake
the more that poison became their energy

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dream

as my heart fills with such dread
another pill slips into my mouth
maybe this will make me feel something
maybe this will make you feel something
everything goes black as i start to lay down
my blue lips going from ear to ear
i wake up to the sound of my heart beat
needles and wires all around me
you are there sitting beside me
holding my hand like i always hoped you'd be
but suddenly i start to hear a voice
it's my mother, calling my name
i open my eyes and you're not there
i'm just in my bed again
dreaming of you