Fake Protagonist

But Can I Pretend To Fill That Part?

So dumb, Great muses to himself in the middle of the night as he runs a hand through his sleeping lover's hair, feeling the urge to laugh out loud while at the same time fighting the heavy feeling in his chest and the telltale burning at the back of his eyes. A bumbling idiot, that's what I am.

He really shouldn't be here, yet here he is - lying in bed with his good old friend who only ever seeks him out when he's heartbroken. Of course Great fails to turn the other man away when said man rings the doorbell to his apartment, and of course he lets his friend in and listens to him as he cries his heart out over being dumped for a woman. Again. And of course Great listens to said friend's sob story as if he hasn't heard a dozen different variations of the same anecdote over and over again for the past year, then says a paraphrased version of his usual post-heartbreak comfort spiel to bring a semblance of a smile back to the other man's face, then returns his friend's heated, messy, desperate kiss when he initiates yet another comfort sex session, then allows himself to be fucked senseless into the mattress, his moans wanton and loud and his ass pointed up in the air and his tight hole twitching and begging to be breached like a goddamn cat in heat.

Then he ends up regretting everything post-coitus and berating himself while the other man is fast asleep in his arms, at peace and completely the opposite of how Great usually feels in the aftermath of their pity fucking, everytime.

The biggest dumbass there is, yes. That's what you are, self.

Great wonders how Tul never tires of getting fucked over by his relationship with Max. It's so fucking toxic. Max is a cool and fun and adorable guy but seriously, the asshole needs to make up his mind. One moment he declares his undying love for Tul, acts like a koala and seems to never want to part from the older man physically whenever they're together; then the next thing Great knows Tul is crying in his arms again because for the nth time, Max confesses that he misses tits and pussy and asks to break up so he can go get his fix of soft curves and wide hips and fatter thighs and a hole that doesn't need prep and lube.

Then a couple months later or so, Tul is back to waxing poetic again about how Max is his soulmate and better half (though in his humble opinion, Tul's use of better in this context is questionable as fuck, because Max and better don't really go together in his mind), and saying how he wishes that Thailand would just go and legalize same-sex marriage already so that he and Max Nattapol Diloknawarit can become one in the eyes of the law and possibly have kids of their own through surrogacy or adoption or something, as a legally married couple.

Great almost snorts out loud at that. Yeah, as if. Max couldn't even commit to Tul for longer than half a year at a time. How the hell is he gonna commit to Tul for a whole lifetime?

(Sometimes he wishes for them to just go and get married so Tul would experience the hassle of divorce and perhaps, finally, learn his fucking lesson. Learn that Max is just too straight - or not gay/queer enough? - to ever be pinned down by a man, no matter how fervently he declares his so-called "undying" love for his oh so perfect P'Tul.

Also, sometimes he just really wants to beat Max into a pulp. Though of course Tul can never find out, or else their friendship would be over in the blink of an eye.)

But in all honesty - Great is a hypocrite. How dare he judge Tul for being so dumb when it comes to Max when he's literally just as stupid, given how he lets Tul use his body over and over again as a substitute whenever he and that douchebag love of his life are on breakup mode. He even lets Tul grunt "Ah, Maxi, yes, make me come-" sometimes while he pounds into Great, or occasionally while Great rides him for that matter, not even bothering to chastise his part-time lover for blatantly saying another man's name while they're in the throes of sex. He winces at the wrong name every time, though he's pretty sure Tul is always too lost in his pleasure and fantasy of finally getting to penetrate Max (who only ever wants to top and who refuses to let Tul's dick near any of his holes) to notice the pained look that Great probably gets whenever he's reminded that he's nothing but a stand-in in that moment.