Visitation (Vampire Diaries) (Book Six)

Chapter 15__Let Her Go

Damon returned to his seat. 

Caroline walked toward the stage, turning to face us. "Thank you all for coming. This is for my mom." She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. When she started to sing, her voice sounded completely numb. "♪Go in peace / Go in kindness / Go in love / Go in faith / Leave the day / The day behind us / The day is done / Go in grace." Her voice became loud and dramatic. "Let us go into the dark / Not afraid / Not alone." Her voice returned to normal. "Let us hope by some good pleasure / Safely to / Arrive at home.♪" 

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Everyone went to the Grill for the wake after the funeral, after dark. 

I saw Matt and Tyler talking at a table, seeing Caroline and Elena talking at the door, walking away, sitting at my own table.

I saw Stefan and Damon sitting the bar alone.

Stefan stood, walking away toward the door.

Damon looked into the crowd, noticing me, starting to walk toward me.

I shook my head barely, looking at him expressionlessly.

Damon stopped, looking at me regretfully, knowing that I would hear him even from across the restaurant. "I'm sorry." 

I didn't respond, looking down. 

Pain suddenly started in my head, about as painful as when Kai put the branding spell on me, or when Liv's spell kept me trapped in Tyler's dorm room, when I touched it, how much it would hurt when it triggered the flashes of memories that I'd really rather not remembered. I held my head in pain, closing my eyes.

Damon looked at me in confusion. 

I stood, walking toward the bathroom, knowing that he was following, closing the door, leaning against it. 

Damon knocked on the door. "Nikki?" 

"Go away," I told him.

"What's wrong?" Damon asked. 

"Like you care," I told him, holding my head.

"Don't be like that," Damon told me.

"In what way should I be, Damon?" I asked. "I told both of you to leave me the hell alone until we got rid of this. Apparently neither of you can take a hint." 

"The spell?" Damon asked. I didn't answer, grabbing my head when the pain got worse, groaning. "Nicola. Just talk to me, Nikki." 

"No," I told him.

"What's happening?" Damon asked.

The pain made it hard to breathe, leaning forward against the sink, hanging my head. "Kai." 

"He's doing this to you?" Damon asked.

"No, he's trying to fix what's happening to him," I told him.

"What?" Damon asked. After several moments, the pain faded into nothing, leaving no trace of it behind. I sighed in relief, looking up, breathing deeply. "Nikki? Talk to me." 

"I don't even want to see you right now, Damon," I told him. 

"I know I lied to you, and I know that I hurt you, but I'm sorry," Damon told me. "This is happening to you because of me. I'm sorry. I screwed up." 

I scoffed, looking up, shaking my head. "You did a lot more than screwing up." 

Damon tried to open the locked door. "Just let me in and we can talk about this." I looked toward the window. "Nikki?"

I rushed out of the window so I wouldn't have to see him and make everything worse by a hundred percent. 

I couldn't deal with him.

I couldn't deal with Stefan.

Not here, not right now. 

Not when they did this to me. 

If they had never come home three years ago, then my dad would still be alive. I never would have gotten sick. I never would have been in danger of becoming a vampire Hunter. I never would have become a vampire. Kai would have never done this to me. I would still be a sane human.

But if they had never come back to Mystic Falls, Klaus would have found Elena to break the Sun and Moon curse, and she would have stayed dead because she wouldn't have known what was happening. The Originals would have still been in town. Caroline wouldn't have been a vampire. The tomb vampires would have never gotten out, because Damon wouldn't have used Bonnie and her Grams to open the tomb. Grams would still be alive. Lexi would still be alive. My dad would still be alive. John Gilbert would still be alive. Jenna Sommers would have never been turned into a vampire and killed in the ritual. Tyler wouldn't have been turned into a werewolf because Katherine wouldn't have returned to Mystic Falls, which was why Caroline wouldn't have become a vampire. Elena wouldn't have become a vampire because she would have stayed dead in the ritual. In fact, Elena wouldn't have even been alive to be in the ritual, because Stefan had saved her from her parents' car crash on Wickery Bridge, so Klaus would have never been able to complete the curse and turn into a hybrid, and no hybrids would have been made or killed. Vicki Donovan would have never been turned into a vampire or killed, she would still be alive. Matt would have never died. Jeremy would have never died or become a vampire Hunter. Alaric would have never died or become an Original. 

But they had also saved a lot of us from death. A lot of us would be dead if they hadn't come home. We wouldn't be here. So, there was that. 

And because I wouldn't have been a vampire, I probably wouldn't have ever been with Tyler, because he wouldn't have ever needed a reason to help me. 

So, tell me, could you choose which would have been better, when everything would be different if they had never returned home? 

Because I sure as hell couldn't.