I Beg Your Pardon, Potter?

Chapter 65

And now? Now He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's head was sailing past Ron, spewing blood in wide circles as it spun. It was the most disgusting and yet most beautiful thing Ron had ever seen. The head fell to the floor with a dull thunk. They all stared at it.

"Is that it?" Ron asked.

"I bloody well hope so," Harry said. He dropped the sword and it clattered to the floor with a dull sort of finality.

"What now?" Pansy asked.

"I would say we parade around the castle, carrying his head aloft to show everyone that he's dead, but he doesn't have any hair to hold him up by."

"You could hold him by the ear?" Hermione suggested.

"Or — and I know, it's brilliant idea, no one else could have thought it up — you could levitate it in front of you because you're a bloody wizard," Draco said.

"Right," said Harry. "I always forget." But he grinned at Draco nonetheless.

"Hang on," Ron said. "How are you two alive? You were most certainly dead when we got up here." Blaise had even taken their pulse.

"It's a long story," Draco said quickly.

"Draco sacrificed himself for me," Harry said.

"Sorry, what?"

"He threw himself in front of Voldemort's killing curse and sacrificed himself for me." Ron looked over at Draco who was rapidly turning pink. "And, similarly to when I was a baby, his love sacrifice meant I survived."

"Aww, how cute." This was Pansy. "I didn't think Draco had that in him." She sounded both sarcastic and pleased in a way that only Pansy Parkinson could.

"Get stuffed," Draco muttered.

"But how did Draco survive?" Hermione asked.

"He's the Master of Death. Or something. He had all the Deathly Hallows."

"That explains basically nothing," said Ron.

"I'll tell you about it while we walk." Harry pulled his wand out of his pocket and performed a levitating charm on Voldemort's head.

"Should we also, I dunno, make an announcement?" Blaise asked. "You know, with a sonorous charm or something? I think people are still fighting."

"Good point." Harry cancelled the levitation charm and Voldemort's head fell back to the ground with a wet thump. Ron kicked at it when it started to roll too close and then regretted this decision when he got blood on his trainers.

Harry pointed his wand at his throat and whispered, "Sonorous." When he spoke again it was so loud that the five of them had to hold their hands up to their ears. "Hi, uh, it's Harry here. Just so everyone knows, uh, Voldemort is dead. I cut his head off. So, uh, you can stop fighting and stuff." Throughout the castle came the sounds of cheering. "For those of you who either don't believe me or who are morbidly curious, I will be bringing his head to the Great Hall as proof." He glanced around at the five of them as if to ask whether or not he needed to say more. Draco shrugged. Hermione shook her head. Blaise gave him a thumbs up. "Quietus."

"Perfect," Blaise said, which Ron thought was generous, but he wasn't going to say anything about it. Harry performed the levitation charm again and Ron took Pansy's hand. Then they all made their way down to the Great Hall in a triumphant, if a bit gory, procession.

...

"There had better be at least one bloody reporter here," Harry muttered to Draco as they neared the doors to the Great Hall. "I want them to see that it's done, tell the world about it and then not interview me."