ELBINA 3

Chapter 10

"That's not a word." I look back up at her with a dubious expression.
"Of course it is." She says,
"I can't even pronounce that... it's not a word." I shuffle her tiles around a little more over the table, shuffling my feet under me on the bed.
The desk sits between us, scrabble tiles splayed out on the top.
"Well, Lucas. There are a lot of words you can't pronounce. Doesn't make them not a word." She smiles, mocking me so I frown back at her. I can't help the wince as I reach forward, my bandaged hand cumbersome and sore. It's the large bandage above my hip though that gives me the most aggravation, pulling at the stitches slightly the more I bend over to fumble with the tiles.
I move her tiles back off finally, shaking my head at her.
"It's not a word." I go back to sitting back, waiting for her to make another move. Her snort is evident when she looks at me so I catch her eye.
"You're too competitive for your own good." She says with the shake of her head, collecting up her tiles again.
"Competitive? I'm just playing by the rules, which is more than I can say for you." I scoff at her.
As I'm waiting for her to make another move, that pit in my stomach worsens again. The reminder of my own injuries switches on the light in my brain, something that had remained dull and quiet for once.
But now I feel bad, because I forgot momentarily about her... I also feel like shit because it didn't last long enough.
I try to speak, a clog of something in my throat stops me so I have to clear it first.
I have her attention then, and the minute she looks at me she already knows what I'm going to ask.
"Is she still in hospital?" I wait for her to say something, hoping somehow that it would be different today.
She nods her head slowly, "I'm afraid so."
I nod in response, dropping my head away from her look.
That would be ten days now.
Ten days.
I'd been in and out within two, I'd been stabbed, beaten and broken bones...
What could have happened to her that she still needed to be in?
More importantly, why isn't she taking my calls?
They always say she's sleeping or having some sort of test but I know that's not it.
The long pause before they tell me is enough to know better, as if their cautious voice didn't already tell me exactly what happened...
It was obvious to me, even if I didn't want to admit it.
She didn't want to speak to me.
This time when I look back up, the sounds of more tiles sliding on the table I choke a laugh. A sad pathetic laugh that simmers with bubbles of tears, but I wasn't going to let them fall.
"What the fuck is that?" I say, staring at the letters lined up. They were just a jumble of letters, and for some reason her dysfunctional brain thinks it makes a word.
She smiles back at my disbelief whilst I throw her tiles back at her, laughing partly at my frustration.
But then I catch her eye, and even from here I can tell she's trying not to look sympathetic.
Either way, it makes my chest hurt.

"HE'S GONE SOUTH EAST!"
The phone's shoved in my pocket and I'm sprinting through the trees, gasping for some form of a breath.
I can't look back.
If I look back, I might fall.
I might fall and then I'll be dead.
The trees get in the way but provide shelter from the array of eyes that are following me, I'm not sure how many there are though. I keep tripping over my own feet slightly, stumbling through and each stumble makes it harder to escape. I didn't have the chance to run back in that room, it's something that makes the stitch in my side even worse.
A burning in my throat grows stronger the more I push myself on, slamming into bushes with the water pummelling down onto the ground around me.
The intensity of the rain makes it loud, like thunder in my ears and it soaks my face till it drips off my nose and eyelashes.
The more water comes down the less I can see, a multitude of low hanging branches smashing into my face.
I'm not being quiet at all, that much is obvious by the sounds of them getting closer and closer.
"Kelly, cut him off from the-" I don't hear it, thankfully it's still a little off behind me.
I break away from the woods out into the grassland in front of me, an open and wide expanse of nothing. A bridge sits further down that passes over the river, a gravel path following the bank towards the buildings in the distance of a council estate. My options are limited.
I glance back, stupidly I glance back despite the fact I know that I might see them. I keep heading towards the river, my feet hitting the gravel beneath me as I slide off my backpack. It hangs limp in my hand.
There's no one there yet, from what I can see anyway.
I shove the phone in the pocket of the bag, the blood stains still splattered over the silver casing before I look back again.
This time there's a fluttering of trees as the people run through them, an outline of their dark clothes through the openings.
I don't think, I look at the prickled bushes lining the river and I dump the bag. Hidden amongst the dampness and the shrubbery till it's out of sight.
And I jump.
The water encases my head almost immediately, sucking me down like it's engulfing me to satiate it's hunger...it's deeper than I thought it would be. The sudden shock of icy cold water sucks out any air in my lungs so I battle to stay calm. Every part of my body stings from the cold, searing against my fragile and broken skin.
Don't panic.
Even when I open my eyes, it's still dark under the murky water. So dirty that I can barely see my own hand in front of my face, like it's not even there.
It's partly numb from the frozen water anyway, so maybe it's not even there and I'm just imagining it?
An undercurrent drags my legs out from under me, forcing me down and sweeping me down the riverbed. My hand grated along the floor, trying to grasp onto something to stop me going too fast but the rocks slide from my grip too. Or maybe the grit and stones are cutting into the palm of my hand but I can't tell because everything is just numb.
Now my gut starts to ache, desperate to bring air into my lungs especially now that the exertion of running has taken its toll.
I needed out, I needed to get in air otherwise I'd drown. Managing to grapple onto a steady rock, I've brought myself to a stand still digging my feet into the deep mud bed. I can feel myself slipping through the mud and the surprising force of the water current is hard to contend with because I'm exhausted and weak from travelling.
I should get back to the surface, it's more of a need now. My throat is shouting at me and aching away to breathe in, I'm holding it but it won't be long till my reflex kicks in and I'll suck in the water.
One, then two whizzes of bubbles spray through the water beside me.
They keep coming, one after the other and barely missing me so every time I twist my head either way, it's met by the sight of bullets entering the water around me.
So I let go.
I let the current take me further down, trying to maneuver myself closer to the edge of the river. I won't be able to hold it much longer, maybe a couple more seconds.
But I need those few seconds to push myself close to the bank, my hand clutching onto the grass that lines the steep embankment.
One.
Hold it.
Two.
Don't breathe.
Three.
Suddenly, a hand grasps onto mine.
I try to pull away but their ironclad grip won't let up, they drag me up. Leaving me gasping for breath as I hit the air, except I stare back at someone.
For a second we just looked at eachother, my heart pounding like a rock in my chest. I'm stuck unsure what to do, I've had it. This is it, this is over and I'd never see Ella again. I'd never be able to do what Susu told me to do.
I keep looking at him, breathing heavily trying to get enough air in my lungs to satisfy my body and to get rid of the brain fog that started to form from the lack of oxygen.
I expect him to pull me out of the water, but he doesn't.
All he does is push my head down a little further, till just my nose is at the surface. I'd probably run, I should get back and let the water take me down further...
"Kelly! Can you see him?" His head flicks away from me, standing up off his knees calmly. It's eerie just to watch, feeling heavy as anything but light from the hold of the water all at the same time. His eyes searched the water behind me for a second and dropped down briefly catch mine, my heart in overdrive at the waiting.
The water ripples around me before rushing further down. The previous day's rain has made the current stronger so I have to use my other hand to grip onto the embankment too in order to stabilise myself properly.
I'm shivering for a multitude of reasons. The cold, the look he's giving me as he finalises what he wants to say.
I'm begging him with my eyes. 
Something, let just one thing work for me.
"No." Even when he says that, I don't believe it.
"He must have kept going down the river, sir." He doesn't look at me, my wide eyes analysing him in confusion.
My feet almost slip out from under me, forcing me to splash the water partly to get my balance again. The clothes stuck to my skin were weighing me down and adding to the river's strength, luckily for me it seems the sound didn't penetrate too loudly as there's another person shouting to Kelly again.
"Alright, Keep going! He won't get far." He nods in front of me in response to whoever was shouting, and without even looking back he moves away.
I hear the sounds of people running off to my right, following the river south.
Once I'm sure they're far enough down, I manage to grapple my way back up. Mud coating my hands and arms as I slide up onto the embankment.
Coughing to get rid of some of the water in my lungs, trying to breathe heavily and get some air into my lungs through the short panicked ones I was stuck taking before.
I'm shocked.
More than shocked.
He should have shot me...I should be dead right now.
And maybe he was on my side, or maybe he just didn't have the guts to kill someone.
Looking up from the ground, I can't see them, so I run back up river again. Stumbling over myself and soaked from head to toe but then, at least the rain doesn't make much difference now.
Don't think about it.
It's hard not to.
Reaching back into the bush, I don't care about the thorns on the bush scratching up my arm. Allowing blood to stipple from the surface of the wounds when I drag the bag out from the cover of it.
It makes me sick, feeling the bag and knowing that if I look to my right... that just over those trees -
Don't think about it.
I had to get out of here, but going south by the river wasn't an option. Except if I look down, I still can't see them and the bridge is empty.
I take my chances, heaving the bag over my shoulders and running towards it.
The skid of gravel under my feet as I pass over the bridge is too familiar, my backstep when she hit the ground.
Bile rises in my throat, burning the back of my mouth and before I can stop myself I've tripped to the floor. Vomiting up nothing, only stomach acid escaping and it keeps coming.
Every second I stop, I keep seeing her head hit the ground and I keep seeing her dead eyes. I've seen too many of those, and each pair of them were just as bad as the last.
Get up.
I need to get up.
After a few moments of my head pressed into the cold mud below me, I stand up and keep walking. This time I walk towards the very edge of the council estate, the other side of the river. They might very well be wandering the streets in there so I can't be trolling the streets myself either, somehow I don't imagine that they'll go easy on me even if it's in public.
Don't cry.
I have too much to do and crying won't help.
I've reached the estate, multiple houses lining the street until I slide down one of the paths that run along the back of the gardens. One after the other of high fences, until I find one with a crack in it and if I strain my neck I can see a shed.
I didn't have much of a choice now, not knowing where they were around here.
The fence gives easy when I squeeze through it, falling onto the ground on the other side before throwing myself into the shed. With the door shut behind me, I'm encased in darkness... a few slithers of light penetrating between the panels of wood.
Stop crying goddammit!
I'm weak.
I'm fucking weak.
Sliding my back down the wood furthest from the door of the shed, dropping my head into the palm of my hands and shaking.
Shaking for a lot of reasons, and it's certainly not just because I'm cold.
My shoulders heaving through my sobs, cause I can't stop them now.
I don't deserve to cry because I let them down. I let them down and no apologies are ever going to make that okay.
But I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry!
I smack my head against the shed wall, hoping that might deter my thoughts from shifting back again.
Please don't.
It happened anyway and I sat there and watched parts of his brain scatter along the floor, If I think harder like I always inadvertently do... I feel pieces hitting my face.
No!
Stop gurgling, just stop it.
And stop looking at me!

"Are you doing okay?" I glance up at her, my eyes stinging and watering the more I keep looking back.
I wasn't.
The phone limp in my hands, my body slumped onto the ground with the cold wall on my back.
I'm not sure what to do with myself, my hands don't feel real.
Nothing feels real.
This wasn't supposed to happen, I was supposed to go back and everything would be normal.
So how did this happen? How did it happen? Because I didn't listen after they said it.
Do I want to know?
At the end of the day...I didn't help and I wasn't there.
I'm a fucking nothing in this world.
I let out a shaky breath, my clenched fist on the phone now doesn't feel clenched anymore and the plastic of the phone doesn't feel like plastic.
"Lucas?" Her hand is on my arm, knelt down in front of me with a worried expression.
I look down at her hand again, it's the only part of my body that feels connected to the ground and connected to reality.
After a few moments, she says my name again and I do something I probably shouldn't have.
I knew I shouldn't have done it.
But I still drop the phone and grasp hold of her face, bringing her to me and kiss her.
It's stupid.
It wasn't her, I knew that.
But also, I felt too alone and too lost in the empty space that I needed something to make things make sense again.
To feel like I was actually real and not just floating, because I hate the feeling so much.
My head is cluttered with a thousand things ripping through my head leaving it with a heavy darkness that wouldn't dissipate, which hadn't dissipated for a long time now and this only worsened it.
The only thing that broke it up, lightened the load on my brain, was another person... which just happened to be Susu.
She'd have probably thrown me off, she had every right too... and she did hesitate.
It was her instinct to kick me off, but it's like she thinks for a second before just letting it happen. She drops her hands around my arms before raising them up to my wrists and squeezing them, almost making me choke from the comfort of that simple gesture.
She doesn't do anything and I'm not really either.
It didn't feel quite right in all honesty, weird if anything. But kissing her wasn't because I fancied her, she was my friend... Even if I didn't want to say it aloud.
Eventually she pulls away and she holds my wrists between us, not saying anything... thank god.
I was embarrassed, ashamed really.
But that was a better emotion, I'd rather that.
"I'm sorry." I say,
Her head shakes, moving her hand to run up and down my arm reassuringly.
"Don't be. It's alright."