Binge

Binge

Through food I get not satisfaction but rather escape from reality.
smoking, pills, drugs, all addictions just like food.
sounds funny to people, but it pains inside of me.
food gives a fulfilling distraction from my life.
it is my release valve.

Stressed. Binge. Anxious. Binge
cycle that goes nonstop.
foods don't look like nourishment, but rather like cigarettes that are addicting.
I eat nonstop, because I cannot stop.
the more disgusting I feel, the more I shove food down my throat.

One bite. Happiness. Two. Gratitude.
Five. Nourishment. Ten. Guilt.
Twenty. Selfish. Forty. Self-hate.
Sixty. Disgusted. Eighty. Self-harm
Ninety. Starve. Hundred. Cycle repeats.

Is this what my life is amount to?
When are the days – where I refuse to be food's slave – come?
how will I ever cope without food?
Will I ever get over the addiction of stomach pain?
what is wrong with me?

Feel like my stomach can burst at any time.
Imagine the greasy food bursting all inside my internal organs.
Then my system gets all messed up.
It's when my life probably ends.

They will ask. How did she die?
My closed one will say – because of eating too much –
Oh how funny would that be
Oh how sad of a death cause is that
Teenage girl died of overeating.

Straightaway they will judge.
They will say, she's pathetic.
They will murmur, she's selfish and ungrateful.
They aren't wrong, I am pathetic, gross, and selfish.

Only way to escape myself. Is through food.