"Babe!" I enthusiastically called out to my boyfriend who's scrolling through his phone, sitting on the kitchen counter. He looked at me after hearing me call out to him. "How do I look?" Tanong ko sa kaniya, suot ang binili kong dress para sa darating na acquaintance party namin.
"Okay lang, maganda ang dress, bagay sa'yo." Sabi niya habang seryoso akong tinitignan. "Talaga?" masaya ko namang tugon, tmango naman siya at binalik ang tingin sa phone niya.
"Jesh-" I was cut off with the ringing of his phone. "Wait lang babe ha, sagutin ko lang to." sabi niya at pumunta sa balkonahe ng condo ko. I sighed, walking towards where he was previously and sat on one of the high chairs na nasa kitchen. "Why did he suddenly change? Hindi naman siya ganito noon..." I asked myself in a whispering manner. Kinain ko nalang ang nakita kong peanuts sa kitchen counter.
Bumalik si Jesh sa kitchen at nagpaalam sakin na may emergency sakanila, "Babe, uuwi muna ako ha? May emergency kasi sa bahay." Pagpaalam niya at hinalikan ako sa ulo.
I nodded at him telling him I understand, "Okay mag ingat ka on your way." He waved at me before going out.
Habang kunakain ako ng dinner, nakakuha ako ng message, it was from Jesh. I opened the message Jesh sent me, Babe sana hindi ka nag wworry, ok na, everythings alright na.
I replied with an 'Im glad' before iligpit ang pinagkainan ko. I should rest, masama pakiramdam ko.
Six days. That's almost a week after our last communication. Natapos na ang acquaintance part namin, hindi pa rin nag rereply sa Jesh sa messages ko and he doesn't answer my calls and it's making me worried that something had happened.
But it's impossible for him na hindi mabasa at hindi masagot ang mga tawag ko, he posted in his instagram for the past three days eh. He's active in his social medias.
It's making me think that he's tired of me already. Hindi naman sana...
At that moment, he called me.
I immediately answered the call pagkita ko ng pangalan sa screen.
"Jesh! You finally called me back... why? Why weren't you answering ha? Nag alala ako sayo tapos-" I got cut off with him saying, "Can you come here sa condo ko babe? I...wanted to see you... I promise mageexplain ako sayo pagdating mo dito..."
I sighed, "Alright, papunta nako diyan ngayon." He replied with, "Alright, take care." At binabaan na ako ng tawag.
Dinalian kong pumunta sa condo niya, at pagdating ko binuksan niya agad ang pinto at pinapasok ako. "Babe, ano yung sasabihin m-" I got cut off again, "Let's break up."
I froze and looked at him. "W-what?"
He looked at me annoyed and repeated what he said, "I said, Let's break up."
"Why?" I looked at him with a serious face. He didn't answer me so I asked again, "I asked you why, Jesh. Sabi mo mag eexplain ka hindi ba? Now explain to me kung bakit ka makikipag break sakin."
He looked at me straight in my eyes and answered, "Kasi I'm tired of you. I'm tired of you trying to be Kate. I'm tired of you trying to get my attention all the time, it's getting annoying! I'm tired of you calling me kung may problema ka, lahat ng kinukuwento mo sakin, I'm tired of it all!"
I looked at him with disbelief, "You're tired of me? You're tired of me?!" I scoffed, "I did everything for you Jesh! I did everything for you! Everything, everything out of my comfort zone! Just to please you! Just to get a sincere compliment from you! Pero for almost two years?! Wala! Ni isa, hindi kita nakitang ngumingiti sakin ng totoo kapag sinasabi mong maganda! I'm also tired of pretending that I'm happy in this relationship, Jesh!" from this point on, I was crying.
"I try... I try to be enough for you! I really did my best to be enough for you! And Kate?! I'm not that insecure of myself para lang sundin ang bwiset na yun! Ganon na ba kababa ang tingin mo sakin? Ha?! Dahil ba to sa bwiset na kababata mo Jesh? Ginawa ko lahat para mahalin mo ako pareho ng pagmamahal ko sayo!"
My knees gave up on me, "Hindi ba talaga ako sapat para sayo? Hindi ka kasi nagpapakita sakin... Oo, kasama kita, akin ka, pero hindi kita kilala... Jesh, I am me when I'm with you. I let you enter my life, but I... I didn't know that you'll enter just to break me. Kung alam ko lang sana, kung hindi ako nagpakatanga sayo! Sana! Sana hindi nalang kita nakilala!" Inilabas ko lahat hinanakit ko sa kaniya habang nakatingin siya sakin, eyes full of pity.
"I...I'm sorry Serene-" He apologized, trying to reach out to me.
"Don't say sorry. Huwag kang humingi ng sorry kung hindi ka naman talaga sorry." I stood up from the floor at tinignan siya sa mga mata niya.
"Before I go, let me ask you these. Were you happy? Were you satisfied with our relationship?" There was a moment of silence before he answered my questions.
"I was happy. I am satisfied with every little things we both did pero it was you who's too much. How about you? Naging masaya ka ba? And satisfied? I think you're the one who isn't satisfied with what we had-" I cut him off.
"I wasn't. I wasn't happy. I know damn well I was satisfied at first but I realized, 'ah nasa isang relasyon ako na ako lang ang umiibig ng malaki', I was saisfied being with you. Siguro, you're the one who isn't satisfied, kasi ikaw naunang nag let go. You were the one who cut off the string, or siguro you never tied it tightly on your finger, yeah?" I laughed bitterly and smiled at him.
"Salamat ha? For wasting almost two years of my life, making me stick with you like some fool. Don't feel sorry for me ha? Be sorry for yourself kasi you lost me." I said as I smiled at him before walking out of his condo.
He's not enough for you Serene, you deserve better than that asshole so don't be too sad. I told myself as I sat on the bench of my favorite park. Sigh. "Siguro nga I was too annoying." sabi ko sa sarili ko while hugging my knees, crying.
I suddenly felt something being put on top of my head, making me stop sobbing for a moment. Not long after, a deep voice spoke, "Don't say that to yourself, if that asshole said you're annoying, he doesn't know how to appreciate a beautiful, rare gem, like you. Don't cry over him find someone better, you deserve better." He said and kissed my head with the jacket he put over me.
"Use this handkerchief, punasan mo mga luha mo, he isn't worth crying over. Eat these too, siguro it'll make you feel better." He added and I heard his steps fading away.
I stayed in my position for a few seconds more tapos I decided to sit up straight and looked at my right.
Nakita ko ang puting panyo at isang plastic bag na puno ng comfort food ko. "Thank you... whoever you are..." I whispered to myself and smiled. You already made me feel better when you covered me with your jacket.
I saw a note attached on the packaging of my favorite chocolate, 'I would like to have my jacket and handkerchief back once you're done using it miss Serene :)'
I looked at it confused. Paano ko maibabalik kung hindi konaman alam pangalan niya?
I looked for his name sa jacket niya or if there were any more notes in the plastic bag. And I remembered his handkerchief, maybe may name niya, and there really was a name on the other side of the fold, and may note din, he really positioned the note above his name, I smiled.
'If babalik mo na text me when and let's meet here again :)' He put his number there after that.
Bren Helio, thank you.
