Lone Nights

50 Ways To Say Goodbye

Oh god how thankful I was for Zayn. He is my savior. He had listened to me and gave me a place to say when I was scared. The most important part was he was there for me when all else failed. I love him. Not in the way most people think though. Perrie had his heart and I respected that. I loved him how you love a best friend or a family member. My face hurts so bad. Laying here being still is killer. His mum gave me some of his eldest sisters night wear to sleep in. I put it on, and it was still very ill fitting, but I can’t complain too much. There are other people who have it way worse than me. Every time I want to cry, I feel ridiculous for crying over something so stupid. I hate myself for crying to Zayn yesterday. I hadn’t slept a wink all night. On top of that, Niall texted me about coffee and I said I’d meet him at a coffee shop near his flat today. The sun is just starting to rise, its peeking through the curtains. Oh god. What was I going to tell him? How could I break this down for him to understand without being furious? I couldn’t. The entire thing with Lucas would make him…. Livid. He was going to be pissed. Just that entire conversation would be filled with tension and anger and tears. Just the thought of Niall shaking with anger scared me so bad, I didn’t know if I should tell Niall about my feelings for him, it could help the anger, but it would all be so confusing for the both of us. I love Niall. I really do… But everything with Lucas has made it so hard for me to love anybody right now. Zayn’s mother was awake, shuffling around in the kitchen making breakfast I assume. God I was tired. I check the time on my phone and it says it is about 7.. As I get up in search of the bathroom, Zayn’s mum asks me how I slept.

“I slept really well. It’s a very comfortable sofa.” I lie. It hurts talking. My lips are way swollen and I just want an ice pack to put on my lip.

“That’s good. I’m glad you and Zayn stayed here. Are you hungry? I’m making French toast. Its Zayn’s favorite.” She says. I really need to pee..

“Oh yeah. French toast sounds wonderful. May I use your restroom?”

“Of course its down the hall, right across from Zayn’s room. I washed you clothes and they are sitting on the sink counter. I don’t mind if you clean up a bit.” She tells me.

“Thank you.” I tiptoe down the hallway so I don’t wake up the rest of Zayn’s family. I see Zayn sprawled out on his bed. He looks just like a teenager, exhausted. I turn quickly into the washroom so I don’t seem as if I’m spying on him. The room is a light blue with ocean related things. It smells faintly of the ocean and laundry detergent. I like it. I look in the mirror first thing. Oh my god! I look horrible! There is NO way make-up can cover this hideousness up. My face is all purple and bluish. Oh god I’m hideous. I get into the shower and turn on the hot water. Hot water feels nice against my skin.. I stay cautious of all my bruises and cuts. My entire body hurts and its sore. When I get out of the shower I see that I have 5 missed calls,3 voice mails, and 7 texts. Somebody is blowing up my phone. I go through the calls first, all from my mom. Then I read the texts. I’m starting to get really worried because the last text says ‘Call me back ASAP. Its an emergency.’ It was from my mum. I listen to the voice mails and grow really worried because she keeps saying its an emergency. I call her back.

“Mom, what’s happening??” I ask. My voice is clearly worried.

“Its your father. Honey, he is in the hospital. He had a heart attack.. I really need you to come to the hospital.” Her voice. Oh my gosh!! A heart attack?!?! He had one 3 months ago! He can’t take this any longer…

“I’ll be there soon. I’m in Bradford with Zayn. I’ll be there. I’ll be there.” I kept on tell her I’d be there. I put my clothes on and went out. I needed Zayn to wake up. I needed him to wake up. My father was in the hospital. I went into the dinning room and found Zayn. Thank the Lord.