How i feel.

Day 1

Today i logged out of Instagram. I hate that it's very toxic to me. I feel like nobody helps me and just text me one every two months. 

So there is this kid named Mark. He was my.... i guess you could say my lover ish. We never made it official but he always called me names and told me ily. I know big step. 

He was the sweetest. He gave me his best. Morning texts, goodnight texts. He tried. I tried. 

But i don't know what happened. We drifted. 

I'm not gonna act like a big girl. I cried. I thought i wasn't enough. I knew i wasn't enough. I then also realized he probably, 

Just used me.

He didn't try to contact. 

Even tho he would view my stories and he would text me for my birthday. "Happy birthday"

And i did the same. 

He texted about a year later. Asking me about school. And how i was. Me being me, felt happy. I felt like i actually had a chance, again.

But i didn't.

He never texted again.

About another 8 months later. He texted. 

I decided to not feel happy about it. I was going through so much again.

The first time he left i was in need of someone, but he just left. And i hate him for it so much. I don't love him. I promise. He just angers me, being happy.
He was the only person who understood me, but he left.

He decided to just leave without any contacting or explaining. 

So, when we texted it was like we were friends this whole time. He told me about the girls he is/ and or played already.

I kinda felt like i was one of those girls. We kept talking. Until present. He tells me "I love you" and i always tell him "i hate you" and it isn't a lie. He sends me memes to 'send to ur crush'.

But he never brings up us before. He told me one time that he remembers things i like and hate. It made me happy. But not in a crush way.

That's what i thought. 

Today he told me about a new girl that he is talking to. I felt a pang of jealousy.

I think i like him again. So i logged out of Instagram.

I know i shouldn't run from problems, but i don't want to be hurt, again. 

If you're reading this, i hope you never feel heartbreak. And you are worth it.

And if you're mark, you know this isn't your actual name <3

-Me