Tears Will Fall, So Will You But That Is Ok

Untitled Part 1

I am 40 years old, I have lived with bipolar disorder, severe anxiety, complex ptsd, and for a while agoraphobia. to say that my life has been a series of unfortunate events would be kind. but the main thing that I realized while dealing with these things was even though I always felt alone, my whole life I felt like no one understood that horrible feeling of some giant grabbing your heart straight through your chest and squeezing as hard as he can. all the while the sound of your heart trying to pound its way out of that cage you call a chest booms in your ears. the feeling of your breath catching making you feel like the giant is going to win. the feeling of the room getting dizzy but its really your brain telling you through that fog to JUST BREATHE. which sounds easy but let me tell you its a hard feat. this feeling is the reason I would not go anywhere for a while. people stare. people make mean comments and tell you your just being dramatic. but in all of that pain there is that one person who sits next to you, takes your hand and tells you I'm going to sit here until it passes. your not alone, there is no fear here. this happened to me once and let me tell you that was more helpful than any breathing technique I was ever taught in trauma counseling. it seems like there is some thing to be said for the understanding of those who had been where I was at that moment. crying, snot running down my face just trying not to pass out around all of those people that did not know me. it is safe to say that not everyone will want someone they don't know to touch them, you don't know what darkness lurks in their trauma but after I had that experience i can tell you just sitting there and telling them they are ok, not it will be ok but they are ok. nothing sounds more patronizing then it will be ok. in that moment nothing is ok. but its easier to think you will be. no kinder words can be spoken then you will be ok. for years my therapists tried to tell me what was wrong with me, until a few years ago one of them decided to tell me what was right with me. that is another thing that other people do that we that have this problem do not listen to. that you are worth it. now im 40 and any time i see someone down that hole i reach out and wait all the while telling them: tears will fall and so will you but that is ok. you will be ok.......... keep fighting never stop.