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as someone who struggled with living costs since i could remember, the job i was accepted for seemed too good to be true. my mother used to read me a book, one with beautiful illustrated drawings and a font which made the words dance across the pages. i could remember the opening paragraph, almost word for word, as she would read it to me every night. we had few luxuries in our small household, one being a sum of money that my mother would ask me twice a year while opening the book-

"the princess had anything she could wish for. my darling, if that princess were you, what would you wish for?"

and if like magic, a few days would pass. then a beautiful necklace with a pearl pendant elegantly resting at the bottom of the gold chain would be laying on the table beside me when i woke up.

my mother had fallen ill when i was 8. the few coins she could spare, she had given to me- rather than attending to her dire need of treatment. i was too young to understand the concept of illness and death. when i had seen her shivering, curled up in front of the fading embers of the remaining fire, i thought nothing of it. when i had heard her breath shaking while wishing me sweet dreams, i thought she was singing. when she did not wake me up in the morning after, i thought she deserved the rest for all the time she had given me. i had prepared the breakfast that morning with the potatoes we had planted in march that grew into perfect, small oval shapes. i had thought she would be proud of me, lighting the fire all on my own and heating the potatoes using the sharp tool left on the kitchen counter.

my neighbour, i called him po-po although his name was percy, was the one who taught me basic education. he had previously worked as a janitor in a "private school", and had picked up on teaching techniques via listening through thin walls. he transferred the knowledge to me, in the comfort of my room. i had welcomed him with a soft hug and he returned it with a pat on my head. he was a father figure to me. i had told him about making breakfast to which he responded with a scrunched face of worry. watching percy drop his tattered shoulder bag, he had taken off to my mothers room in a distressed scurry. why not leave her to rest? now i knew why.

she had passed away.

the potatoes we had grown with love, care and tenderness were fed to the insects residing in the compost box in the small, dull and mould-covered area behind the cottage. i was occupied by watering the flowers, percy told me they would be happy if i did so. i heard a rustling from the front of the house and my eyes met his- with my mothers lifeless body over his shoulder. his face was pained, yet he took my mothers body away and i continued to water the drooping geraniums.

percy had taken care of me from then until i was 10, when a lady in a red trenchcoat and matching bright red lipstick took me away. percy told me i was going on a holiday.

i did not ever see him nor my house again after that.

it was so similar to the castle in the picture book, the building i called home after the woman guided me to the double doors; leading me with a hand firm behind my shoulder. gothic, large, open windows with bars preventing the girls who were staring down at me from falling. one had short hair, brown, and was reaching out between the bars down towards me. she looked friendly. the other two girls on either side of her had darker skin with equally darker hair, older i assumed, and they looked down at me. more than "you are geographically lower than me". more like "im better than you and i will make that apparent". i took the warning as it was given to me, stumbling over the step and into the doors to which the lady shut behind me. they were so heavy that they created a breeze, a chilling reminder of inevitability.

the interior was decorated with vintage carpet tattered with wear, tall cabinets that held paintings and portraits to which i assumed came from the generations of young girls who lived in this building. as i went past the mahogany cabinet, i noticed a group picture including the girls who i had saw before entering. they were wearing clean beige dresses with a purple ribbon tied around their neck. they were smiling, holding hands in a line with 5 other girls who appeared more mature, in front of a park background. i recognised it, the waterfall in the green just down the road from my prior home. the lady in red was taking me up wooden stairs curling around the corner. they were steep, and i struggled to keep up with her pace while pulling my luggage behind me.

the upstairs was a long, narrow hallway with 3 doors on both sides. the ceiling raised to a point, with a large golden chandelier holding 8, 4 then 2 candles- tiered; dangling in the centre from a chain. it was dull but bright, the wooden surfaces did not reflect much light, yet turned away any kind appearance the sun would make. i was taken down to the final door on the left side, passing by others with blackboards hung next to the entrances. they all had names scribbled on them. styled, slanted, scribbled, signed and some outlines of small hands.

"girls? you have a new sister. behave. we are coming in." the lady opened the door, and i was faced with the girls that peeked through the bars before my entry. the short haired brunette held a tired toy teddy close to her face, hiding most of it. the other two taller girls whispered to each other and smiled at the trench coat woman. i managed to make out one word- "doll".