Darkest of my heart

Letting go

It all hurts. Reaching up for someone to save you but having everyone walk by seems like an every day things. But that could possibly be because people have lives to live as well. The moment someone is there for us, we start depending on them. Somewhat we know it's a bad idea, but what's stopping us? I mean honestly. What is stopping us from allowing ourselves to get hurt again?

I mean we know that these people won't be here forever. If they are then we must have found someone who truly meant every word they said. But here we go again, putting ourselves through more and more pain. It seems reasonable. Well, maybe to us.

My question is. Why don't we try? Why do we not try to get rid of everything that's negative. It only brings us down even more. Maybe to the point where since we're so used to having our down sides, that we can't process the good in things.

We're so used to pushing people away and detaching ourselves from the world. It's only when people leave that we realize how much they could've helped us and our mental health. Sometimes we can't be helped at all. But it seems like it's always worth trying.

It's kind of like a video game. But with different controls and rules. We can always forfeit. But when we do, we can't get any of that progress back. It's lost. Going back to square one is the only answer. It's like clicking a reset button. It undoes everything we have worked hard for. We went through so much pain to save ourselves from any more pain we could've gone through. But the question in the end. Is always "Was it worth it?"

There's no yes or no answer to the question. We can tell ourselves yes, and we can also tell ourselves no. There's not much of a difference. Which is why we can't focus on expecting people to help us recover from certain damages that have been done.

Maybe these people that took it into their own hands to make our problems their, are suffering as much as we are. But they won't say anything because they fear it'll fall back on us and pile us under.

I kind of see it like we're dogs and cats. We want to dig a hole and hide everything. Even ourselves. Yet we want attention. Care. Love. But people are too afraid being scared of us and what we'll bring to the table. It's easy for others to walk away. But why isn't it easy for us to let go?

A memory isn't going to get lost. It won't go away. It's called a memory for a reason. It's something you remember. You could be sitting down years later, maybe a happier person or in a worse situation than you were in before. And randomly you could think back to what happened and tell yourself.

"Wow. I really fucked up didn't I?" Well the answer is yes. And there's no other way around it. We have to gave that. We have to live with that. But it was our choice to make. Our call. And somewhat theirs. Don't hold onto what people have done to you in the past. It'll only hurt you more.

We've trudged through dark and deep snow long enough. King enough that we've probably learned ways to get back up and pull ourselves out. No matter how thick the snow is. No matter how cold you get. Even if you get sick. It's a long lasting impact. Which is why it's up to you to find it in yourself to forgive and forget.

Don't shame yourself for something we can't control as humans. Life is full of fatality. Live it. Empower it. And stay bold.

The sickness will end soon

-C

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Thank you for reading. I hope this somewhat helped you.

SC : Lele-simoons
IG: Chas_the_weirdo
Facebook: Chas Williford
iCloud: br0ken_dreamer@icloud.com

Reach out to me if you need to. I always respond.