Everyone has a had a crush
at some point in their life.
I had a crush on someone.
Yes, I admit it. There is
nothing to be ashamed of.
I was attracted to him.
I had become smitten.
I was infatuated with the
troublemaker, the bad boy.
Knowing that, it didn't matter
to me. It didn't bother me that
he acted out in class or that
he received detentions. I didn't
care because what mattered to me
was his personality.
Adam
That was his name. His name echoed
in my head like a catchy tune.
This crush wasn't an immediate
attraction at first sight. It took about
a year before I discovered this intense
feeling. Looking back, we've never
really hung out. We shared one class,
and we ate lunch together a few times.
We only started talking when our
schedules changed the following year.
That's when it started. My feelings for him.
I began noticing how tall he'd gotten and how
deep his voice was since the previous year.
I noticed how he had changed up his hairstyle
and started wearing contacts. I noticed
how his features had grown more defined
and how he'd become more attractive.
He stole my heart like a bandit.
As someone who didn't enjoy school,
Adam was the only reason why I wanted
to go. Seeing him made my days brighter.
Even though he had a hard exterior, as
guys often have, he was a big softy.
When he was with his friends, he'd goof
off and be loud and cause a ruckus.
When he was with me, he was sweet
and gentle. He'd listen to me and ask
about me, making me feel like the world.
I felt comfortable around him but
also very anxious. I'd never felt that
way about anyone before. He was my first.
At the end of every school day, when he
wasn't getting in trouble, he'd wait for
me. Adam would wait patiently to walk me
back to home room. I'd perk up when I see
him standing there, smiling. His smile
made me smile. We walked
and talked, standing side-by-side.
The fact that he made the effort to
spend time with me was something
I could never wrap my head
around. I was just the smart and quiet
girl in the back. I was very much insecure
during this time because everyone was
going through weird changes with their
bodies and hitting puberty. Hanging
out with Adam suppressed my insecurities.
Nothing mattered to me more
than to see him and make him happy.
Maybe something was there.
Maybe we could've been a thing.
There were many times where I wished
I grabbed his hand in mine.
There were many times where I wished
I had gotten his number. I thought about
confessing but I was too late. As sad as
it sounds, that was the last of our interactions.
Now that I'm older, I've come to cherish
those moments I spent with him. It
makes me happy to look back at this.
Remembering those feelings makes me smile.
Having a crush is one of the
many joys in life.
