Amberly's Dilemma

And notice everything you do or don't do

You're so much older and wiser and I

I wait by the door like I'm just a kid

Use my best colors for your portrait

Lay the table with the fancy shit

And watch you tolerate it

If it's all in my head tell me now

Tell me I've got it wrong somehow

I know my love should be celebrated

But you tolerate it

After a few minutes, I stop. I'm still crying, thinking about Clarkston, but this is helping me. I have a slight tune in my head, but don't really know what to do with what I have. I need help. I need someone who I can trust's help. I need America's help. I write a note asking her to join me in my room.

A few minutes later I've stopped crying and America walks into my room. "You requested me, Your Majesty?"

"Yes. I need your help in writing a song, and please call me Amberly."

"Um... Yes, Ambery. What inspired you to write a song?"

"I just found out that Clarkston has been cheating on me for years from Maxon."

"Did Maxon tell you about the other part?" she says, sounding kind of nervous.

"His scars? Yes. He showed me them. How did you know?"

"He got caned right before the rebel attack and we ended up in a safe room together. He was obviously in pain and I pushed him to show me. He showed me and I treated his lashes."

"I think that this is just more proof that you two are perfect for each other."

"America smiles at me. "Thank you, Your- Sorry, Amberly."

"Anyway, the reason I called you here is because like I said, I need your help with a song. I'm trying to get my feelings out through writing a song. I've got a verse and the chorus written out and kind of a tune, but I'm not really sure what I want to do with it."

"Okay, read me what you have so far, unless you want to sing it?"

"I'll read it to you." I read it aloud.

"That is beautiful. I think that it works well. If we want to go to my room, I have a piano that we can work it out on, or I can bring my violin here to work on tune."

"We can go to your room." She leads me out the door and I follow her to her room.

"Welcome to my humble room." She tells me.

She has a piano in one corner and it is all in all a beautiful room. "It's very pretty," I say.

She smiles. "Thanks."

We both sit down at her piano and start working in my song. In about three hours we have it worked out. I've started crying a few times, but I think I'm doing well. We end up with it having the lyrics be this:

I sit and watch you reading with your

Head low

I wake and watch you breathing with your

Eyes closed

I sit and watch you

And notice everything you do or don't do

You're so much older and wiser and I

I wait by the door like I'm just a kid

Use my best colors for your portrait

Lay the table with the fancy shit

And watch you tolerate it

If it's all in my head tell me now

Tell me I've got it wrong somehow

I know my love should be celebrated

But you tolerate it

I greet you with a battle hero's welcome

I take your indiscretions all in good fun

I sit and listen

I polish plates until they gleam and glisten

You're so much older and wiser and I

I wait by the door like I'm just a kid

Use my best colors for your portrait

Lay the table with the fancy shit

And watch you tolerate it

If it's all in my head tell me now

Tell me I've got it wrong somehow

I know my love should be celebrated

But you tolerate it

While you were out building other worlds, where was I?

Where's that man who'd throw blankets over my barbed wire?

I made you my temple, my mural, my sky

Now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life

Drawing hearts in the byline

Always taking up too much space or time

You assume I'm fine

But what would you do if I, I

Break free and leave us in ruins

Took this dagger in me and removed it

Gain the weight of you then lose it

Believe me, I could do it

If it's all in my head tell me now

Tell me I've got it wrong somehow

I know my love should be celebrated

But you tolerate it

I sit and watch you

America smiles after we sing it one last time. "Amberly, you have a beautiful voice. You could have done well as a Five." She then gasps after she says that, realizing what she said. "I mean, I didn't mean that you should be any-"

"It's fine. I probably would have. I like to think about that sometimes. Like, what would I do if I was a Five or a Six instead of a One?"

"I know it wouldn't have been easy, but you would have been able to do it."

"This is a really unfair thing in our country. I know most people don't see it that way, but I will never forget my good friend. She was a Six, and she had five siblings and was the oldest. She gave up everything for her siblings," I tell her.

"I had a friend like that. He was a Six, he was the oldest, and I was terrified that he would work himself to death," she responds.

"I hope once you are queen, and Clarkston is gone, you and Maxon can work to fix the injustices in our country."

"We can try," she says sadly.

"I should be heading back to my rooms now. I don't think I will ever sing this song in public, I'm too scared of Clarkston's response. Thank you for today. It was comforting for me."

"I'm always here if you need me."

I leave her room, thinking about everything I learned today. I may confront Clarkston someday, but I might not. I'll see where time takes me.

Comment your favorite Taylor Swift song, maybe?