Say You Were Wrong

The beginning.

They say that love is never ending. Whoever said that was a fucking liar.

How about I start from the beginning?

It all began when I was in my first years of high school. I won't lie, I wasn't the most attractive girl and I was going through what most would call an emo phase.

The only reason I even put myself through this phase was because I devastatingly cut my hair short. I don't mean 'up to my shoulders' short, I mean full on boy cut short. I had beautiful curly hair that I thought was feeling 'dead' and so I donated my hair to cancer kids, which I don't regret. The only regret I have now is how I acted through that stage. I started wearing beanies, covering my body in layers of black clothes, and withdrew from a lot of people. I was no longer confident as I was when I had long hair, I don't know. It's hard to explain. I don't exaggerate when I say I was having an identity crisis. I had fallen into a period of depression and often cried over my hair. I had dreams about one day having long hair again, and every time I did, I would wake up and reach towards my head and feel only the short layers that I had cursed myself with. Everyday I would compare myself to others, and just feel like I wasn't good enough.

I took a class most would recognise as engineering but I just saw it as an excuse to bludge to be honest. I say bludge because it was all practical really, and I'm a practical girl. Unfortunately, I'm also the kind of girl who's a sucker for the guys that really are just no good for me. I didn't know him, and usually just avoided looking at him because I didn't want to seem like a weirdo. He had these chocolate brown eyes, matched with olive skin and short cropped light brown hair. He had a scar just above his right eyebrow, where I would later learn that he earned after something as simple as childhood. He was lean, tall, and had a habit of jumpers. Compared to myself at the time, he was a ten out of ten. There were times in class where I'd look at him and just daydream. I know, it's cliche but it's true.

There was this one day, where he actually talked to me. Thanks to my teacher in engineering, Mr Simone, who moved him away from his friends because he was the kind of guy who had a good time in class. Unfortunately, this interaction was literally only him calling me scary. I know, it's not good. And I wasn't joking before when I said I was going through an emo phase. I'm talking black beanie with black eyeshadow and lipstick kind of emo. So fair enough, he called me scary. I had responded with something iconic like an eye roll. It continued on like this for the whole year, we had never gotten close.

Throughout that whole year, my hair and style were slowly growing, and so was my wish for a significant other. I had ended up dating a few people, not many, who were surprisingly interested in the emo chicks. Some of them were actually alright, and I only wish that I had that chance with them now. Unfortunately no one warned me that love hurts. Otherwise I wouldn't of been trying to find a significant other at all.

By the start of the new year, my hair was at least up to my shoulders, and I started wearing colours again, and shirts to school. (I would only wear jumpers.) So you could call it a glow up. I was never a big girl, just average, and so some things suited me and some things did not. I was still dating here and there, once again, not much. By then I had only dated a maximum of 10 people in two years. My hair got longer and I got curvier and eventually started hating myself again. I wore jumpers again and cursed God or whoever thought it was necessary to ruin my life with puberty. I know, world ending moment. I had been bludging the first two years of high school, and so I didn't really know the basics of anything but I was still getting by somehow. I would read, and run when I had been told, and earn medals and still would just be silent to the world. This was by my own choosing. Until I met one of the greatest people in my life.

Don't get me wrong, I had great people in my life. Without meeting one of my best friends named Charlie in my first year of high school, I would've never met Bianca. Bianca was the kind of girl that lit up a room when she was around. She had short brown hair, with doe brown eyes and a cute button nose. She was insanely gorgeous and funny, (though she didn't know it.) What can I say? We clicked. She even brought me out of my shell, and helped me unintentionally find style. We messed around, got in trouble in class, and eventually it was like I became a different person. I was no longer the shy girl people knew me as. The person I was now, was someone people wanted to be around. I was funny, engaging, and always had a smile on my face. We continued to click all through that second year of high school, and when we found out we were in the same class again the next year, we had continued on our friendship to even greater lengths. By this point, I was blessed with quite the glow up, and had started exercising and so even though I still had a bit of chub I was still not considered fat. I had also gained the attention of certain boys, which was nice enough until I had to turn them down. Eventually, I found myself talking to our mystery boy from the start, who's name was Brandon. Brandon and I weren't talking in the way that I had wanted, but at the time that was okay. We ended up becoming fairly close, not the closest, but close. He would tell me things about his home life, and eventually he told me he liked one of my friends named jade.

Jade had only moved to my school that year, and I introduced myself immediately because she looked nice enough. They shared classes together so to be honest it doesn't surprise me that he came to like her. Jade had long straight brown hair, with an average figure and a native background.

It took them a while to start dating, and I won't lie, I envied the way he looked at her. I wanted someone to look at me that way. Or maybe someone already had before and I was just blind. Who knows now, I guess it's too late. Anyways, there were good days and there were bad. Me and Brandon would mess around and make fun of each other, only as friends, and I would try my best to help give advice to the couple as best I could. Eventually the relationship ended because Jade was moving to a different state, and so did that school year.

Now that we've covered my whole life story, before I really started talking to him, let's move on to the beginning of the end.