let it hurt, let it go |Bucky Barnes|

Chapter 2

"It's different this time ..." Steve tried to speak once again but I stopped him just by raising my hand.

"Rogers, last time I trusted you, I almost got blind for the rest of my life. What on earth makes you think that just because you showed up here at my house, is gonna make me drop everything just to go with you, which most likely means either losing a leg or maybe an arm but actually probably getting killed?!" At the end I was nearly yelling.

"I know we failed you. You didn't deserve it. And I know how hurt you must've been ..."

"You have no clue how hurt I was!" I now clearly shouted at Steve as my eyes were starting to tear up. "I trusted you Steve ... and you Natasha ... and what did I get in return? For almost a year not even a day passed without reliving that recording, waking up from nightmares, crying in my sleep but at the same time not even being able to count my money after I came from the store, not being able to drive a fucking bike ... And guess what? You weren't there. None of you even called. I don't care if you were hiding or whatever ... if you cared, if you had at least tiny bit of empathy in your body, you would check up on me. It was all your fault Rogers. And I will never ever let you forget that."

When I finished I ran my hand through my hair frustrated and looked up to prevent myself from crying. I've been crying enough for the past year and a half and I really didn't want to start again since often when I started, it was a trouble to stop. And there was no way I was gonna have a breakdown in front of them.

"I send a letter to Tony. I told him that if you or him needed anything, I'm just a call away." Steve responded carefully.

"That's nice but unlike you I don't call people just when I need them." I replied and sat on the couch since I wasn't feeling very well.

Nat looked at Steve just as if she was trying to say something.

Steve sighed and sat down next to me. Since Sprinkles became kinda obsessed with him in the past ten minutes, he sat down next to us as well. Nat made her way towards the front door and before I could stop her, she was already out of the house.

"Great ..." I mumbled sarcastically and rubbed my eyes. "... I guess she doesn't wanna see me slip your throat."

He didn't say anything for a few moments just as if he was preparing himself to say something.

"I'm sorry Emily." He said and by the sound of his voice it sounded like he actually meant it.

"Yeah well Cap that's about two years too late." I said with clear and determined voice and tried to stand up, but he stopped me by putting his hand on my shoulder.

I glared at him but sat back down anyway.

"Look. I thought that by not telling you about your parents, I was sparing you. But... I can see now that I was really sparing myself. And I'm sorry. Truly sorry. And I'm sure if Bucky was here-..."

"Well he's not. Thank god." I quickly interrupted him and blankly stared in front of me.

Steve chuckled sadly. "We both know that you don't actually mean that. And before you interrupt me once again. Yes, I am sure about that. How? Because I've seen the way you two look at eachother." he explained carefully. He knew that right now I was like a bomb. One wrong word and I would explode.

"Well that was before I found out that he killed my parents. Which is not the actual point since I know that he didn't have a choice. It would've all been different if he just told me. I never judged him for anything he did in his past and I never will. But I will never forgive him for letting me believe that it was just an accident when he knew exactly what happened." I explained while silent tears streamed down my cheeks.