the midnight earth

Part 1

(TW, violence + details about injuries etc..)

key for the dates: day/ month/ year ( not the 21st century -) 

30/01/12

Droplets of metal fall from the roof of my mouth onto my tongue. I can feel glass tears start to trickle down my face. I'm in so much pain my body is numb. My tongue aches but I run it along the inside of my cheek. It's shredded and bloody. I open my mouth to gasp for air but I have to turn onto my side to spit out the blood that has accumulated. I watch as the puddle of red I just made spreads across the carpet. There's something so hypnotic about watching it slowly crawl across the clean fabric. I roll over onto my back and groan in pain, I think I really screwed up this time, if my leg isn't shattered I've at least messed up my knee.

I lift my hand above my face. It's shaking uncontrollable and I wince at the realisation that my ring finger is bent the wrong way.

What I don't understand is why my nails are ripped off, I could've sworn I had been wearing gloves.

I can't hold my hand up anymore, my arm goes limp and it falls onto my chest. I feel the slow up and down motion of my torso, rising and setting as I breathe. At least I can still breath. Last time Donna-Marie had to get a tube shoved inside of her because her lungs had collapsed and she was unable to breath by herself. Worst case scenario is I'll end up like her with organs made of glass.

My dress still seems to be intact. I can feel the soft satin resting on my chins, and the hip pads are definitely cushioning me. This dress was goddamn expensive so it better still be intact, however, I don't think it's yellow anymore. If only red was my colour. Oh well, I'll trade it with Sadie, she made her dress out of her sister's bedsheet and it's a lovely shade of dandelion. I'll miss wearing my own dress though, but red really is not my colour. I wonder if I still have my shoes on. I try to wiggle my toes but to no avail, I think I bust my foot. Too bad, it was my last good foot. My left one was blown up, so it's now made from porcelain. God, I hope I didn't lose my right one.

My neck starts to tingle, I can feel my throat again! To be honest I didn't think I would after being choked with my grandmother's pearls. it would've been a shame if i had lost the sensation of my neck, it really is very dear to me. I swallow the lump of build up that I can now clearly feel on the back of my tongue. I gag and scrunch up my face as the slimy gunk slides down. My throat is so dry. It feels like sandpaper.

My eyelids feel heavy, the feeling of fatigue washes over me. I don't want to sleep though, my mind is still awake. I attempt to hoist myself up by digging my working elbow into the ground, white hot pain shoots up from everywhere in my body as soon as I do this. A strangled scream escapes my lips. I push hard into the ground with my elbow. I'm so desperate to sit upright. I'm pushing so hard, my arm starts to tremble. The veins on my forehead pulsate, I strain my collar bones and clench my jaw. I scream again and push down deeper into the ground. My screams grow louder and more desperate. I'm in agony, I don't even know where the pain is coming from, everything hurts. I push out all the sound I can and my screams become wails. I'm almost.... I'm almost there. Sweat starts to build up on my forehead and my head is pounding. I just need to... my elbow is wedged so far into the carpet... I'm... almost there... I can do it... my head is screaming bloody murder. I can do it. I can do it. I-

I can't do it.

My arm snaps. The cap of my elbow slides to the left and my arm buckles underneath me. I fall backwards and thud against the ground. My head slams harder than it should've. And everything goes fuzzy.

 I hear people booing and shouting my name braided with slurs. I'm almost certain they're throwing mouldy bread at me too. No one is clapping or cheering like I'd hoped they would. I wonder if my parents are watching. Are they proud?

People clapped and cheered for Sadie, why not me?

Oh well. I lost the game.  

I close my eyes and for a second, I let myself slip away into a world of my choice. I melt into a cloud of gold butterflies and feel sheets of hot sun gently stroke my back, but I'm dragged back by a familiar voice cooing to me from a million miles away. "Choice, it's time to get up, it's time to go," I open my eyes and see one of the house girls standing over me waving a blue feather on the bridge of my nose. 

"I can't move. were you watching? you saw, I can't move." I cringe at the sound of my voice. it doesn't sound like my own. 

"Nonsense Choice, you can move if you so wish to!" Shit, she really wants me to get up and walk. 

"I don't wish to though." The audience's roars are still echoing throughout the stadium. she waves the feather more erratically and I can just about make out a flustered smile on her face. No one wants to be one of the house girls that are made fetch the fallen from the stadium. I wonder what royal fuck up she did that prompted Mme Deloise to make this poor girl be the retriever. No one wants to be the retriever. 

I remember one time I accidentally stood on Deloise's fat grey cat whilst coming down the stairs to the pantry, needless to say, she was not pleased. That damn cat recited everything to her in dramatic exaggerations and she appointed me the role of retriever for a whole month. That month I tried to throw myself down the south-west staircase twenty three times. But Sadie caught me on every attempt.

I'll cut this girl some slack. I grunt as I haul myself off of the ground. I'm no longer a pile of flesh on on the floor, I'm now a 6'2 girl with severe injuries in a stained yellow dress pathetically attempting to redeem herself. I glance around the stadium which is now half empty since people had started to leave when they realised I was not going to win. But I lift my arm and wave to the remaining viewers, who shout a couple colourful words at me and yell about my being useless and all that. 

The girl motions for me to follow her into the arched door way of the arena. we walk through and a rush of fresh air hits my face. I gasp and pant to take it all in but I'm interrupted by Sadie who is running towards me in a horrendous looking pink dress, her arms are outstretched and she swallows me into a hug. Her soft hands rub the back of my hair, she whispers something in my ears but I don't listen. I'm not a bad friend, I'm just trying to process everything that just happened.