The Existence I Crave

2

I curled myself into a tighter ball on the floor as I sobbed uncontrollably. What had I ever done to him to deserve this? I had been nothing but a good son to him, so why? Why was this happening to me?

"Boy, I better hear an answer from you."

My body shook vigorously as I heard what sounded like a belt being undone. He wasn't going to give me a spanking, was he?

"Y-Yes s-sir," I stuttered out.

"That's better."

Those were the last words I heard from him before his bedroom door shut for good.

I shot up into a sitting position, my breathing erratic, my face soaked by the tears that had fallen during my slumber. It had been months since I had a nightmare about Kevin, so why now?

Why now? Why were they coming back now? I thought they had finally passed, but I guess I was wrong. I hated these dreams, I hated having to relive what I was still living through, when Kevin is sober I consider myself lucky, the most he's ever done is slap me here and there, but when he's drunk, all bets are off, there was no telling what he was going to do.

I threw my legs over the side of the bed, placing my bare feet onto the cold floor, pushing myself off of the bed before making my way over to the bathroom. Reaching for the light switch, I flipped the switch upwards, illuminating the room, causing me to squint my eyes for a second as they adjusted to the bright light.

Blinking my eyes a few times I walked over to the sink, turning on the cold water, cupping my hands together before placing them under the stream. Leaning forward I splashed my face with the cool water, turning off the water I reached for the towel, removing it from the rack as I started to dry my face.

Placing the towel back on the rack, I walked back into my room, turning on my bedside lamp. Looking down at my bedside table I see the twenty-dollar bill that Kevin had given me earlier. As if on cue my stomach growled, sighing I grabbed the pair of pants I had been wearing earlier, quickly putting them on, I grabbed my phone and the twenty before walking out of my room and heading for the living room. I walked over to the couch sitting down before deciding to order a pizza, Kevin did say to order whatever I wanted.

I placed the twenty into my pocket, so I wouldn't lose it, only to feel something else in my pocket. Feeling confused, I pulled out the mysterious object to see a piece of paper, unfolding it I see Mia's number on it. Shit, I was supposed to text her later today, looking down at the screen I see it's 7:30 p.m. I think she said to text her at eight today. Didn't she?

"Eh, fuck it," I said before sending her a text, she'll see it when she sees it.

I laid my phone down on the coffee table right as there was a knock on the front door, standing up, I walked over to the front door, opening it to see the pizza delivery guy standing on the porch.

"You order a large pepperoni pizza?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"That'll be $12.52, sir."

Reaching into my pocket I pulled out the twenty, handing it to him he handed me my pizza as he counted out my change.

"Here's your change, and you have a nice night," he said as he began to walk to his vehicle.

"You too," I said as I closed the door, locking it behind me.

I walked back to the couch, sitting down as I opened the pizza box, grabbing a slice, taking a bite of it. I reached over, grabbing my phone to see Mia had messaged me back.

Mia: Hey Alex!!

Mia never liked my first name, to be honest, I hate my name, but oh well, nothing I can do about it. When Mia and I had become friends she started calling me Alex which is short for Alexander, she was and still is the only one to ever call me that. usually get called Tom, or Tommy, so being called anything but those was amazing for me.

My phone dinged causing me to look down to see Mia had texted me again.

Mia: I was thinking we could maybe get together tomorrow, try to figure out what we're gonna do for the project. Is that ok?

Me: Yeah, sounds good to me.

Mia: Awesome!! I'll see you tomorrow then.

I threw my phone down on the couch next to me as I grabbed another piece of pizza. Taking a bite I could hear what sounded like a vehicle pulling into the driveway, pulling back the curtain I saw Kevin stepping out of his truck. He must have come straight home from work, if he had gone to the bar with his douchebag friends then he wouldn't have driven home on his own.

I let the curtain fall back into place as he walked up the steps, I could hear the front door being unlocked before the door opened. The door slammed shut as I watched Kevin walk towards the kitchen, probably to get him a beer, I thought as Kevin walked into the living room with a beer in his hand, looks like I guessed right. Kevin plopped down on the couch beside me, letting out an exhausted sigh, he brought the beer bottle to his lips, taking a few sips of it before he turned his attention towards me.

"What are you eating?"

"Pepperoni pizza," I mumbled out through a mouth full of food.

"Let me steal a piece," Kevin said as I opened the pizza box.

"Thanks," he said as he took a bite from his piece.

"Did you not eat dinner tonight?" I asked.

"If you can consider vending machine food dinner then yeah."

"I thought you were gonna go get something?"

"My fucking boss was just being a huge dick to everyone tonight, we were supposed to take our lunch break at like five, but Robert comes in yelling at us that we were behind on quota or some shit like that and told us that we would have to work through our lunch break. He's' such a fucking jackass," Kevin mumbled out, grabbing another piece of pizza.

"Oh," I said as the room fell into a comforting silence.

Kevin hasn't been this chatty with me in a while, kind of reminded me of the old days. A small smile graced my lips but quickly fell once I saw the piece of paper with Mia's name, lying on the coffee table.

"Kevin."

"Hmm?"

"Um, I was just wondering if it would be ok if I went out after school tomorrow?" I asked.

Kevin looked over at me, giving me a curious look.

"Depends, what will you be doing?"

"I have an art project due soon at school, and I had to team up with someone, and they asked me to meet them tomorrow so we could work on it," I said, suddenly feeling nervous.

"Who are you meeting up with?"

"Mia."

"Mia, as in Mia Loves?"

"Yeah."

"Sure, that will be fine, just make sure you get home before your curfew," Kevin said, causing me to look at him in shock.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said, drinking the last sip of his beer, before standing from the couch.

"I'm going to take a shower and go to bed, if you have any homework then do it, or don't I don't really care," Kevin said as he exited the living room.

All I could do was just sit there, feeling shocked and honestly a little confused. Why was Kevin being so nice to me? Was he maybe changing? I scoffed at that thought, like that would happen. Even though I knew it wouldn't happen, my heart filled with a little bit of hope, I knew Kevin would prove me wrong in the end, but at least for tonight, I'd like to hold onto the thought, that maybe, just maybe, he'd change.