Here I am sitting in a hospital bed with one of those paper dressed the nurses always give the patients. God, how I hate hospitals. Yes, they’re here to help people, but for me it only has bad memories involved. I hate the smell, the feel of being alone, how I feel useless, everyone watching your every move, and how the people treat you. Yes, they are only trying to help you, but I hate being looked down as weak. I hate that! But as I sit in this bed that I’ve been in for a few days, tears come to my eyes knowing the real reason for being here.
This is all because of my ex-boyfriend Charles or Charlie as I called him. He said he loved me. Promised he would never hurt me again. But we all know that was a lie. He thinks I’m a game to him and maybe I really am. But I know for damn sure I deserve better than this life I call Hell. I’ve been in this hospital for a few days now because I’m still healing from Charlie’s attack on me. I will never forgive him for doing this to me. This is why I’m leaving. I’m leaving my beloved Cincinnati and going to California. Somewhere he will never find me. I’m never coming back until he’s dead or locked up for good.
Mom is the only one who knows about me leaving. She promised me she’ll never tell and I know she never will. She knows what will or could happen if someone knows about me leaving. She blames herself for not helping me sooner but I could never blame her for this. This all on me. This is my fault for not getting out sooner, getting help, and staying with that monster. No one else is to blame for my stupid decisions I’ve made.
“Ako, are you ready to leave tonight?” mom asks as she comes into the hospital room with a big overnight back in here hands.
“Yes. I am ready to leave. I’m ready for a new start. I’m ready for a new beginning.”
“Okay, that’s good. You have a new identity. Good for a new life and new beginning. Your new name is Kayla Anderson who is originally from Lexington, Kentucky.”
“Okay, that sounds good. It just feels so surreal. I don’t know how I feel about leaving you all. Dad and Jack will be so angry to know I just up and left and didn’t even say goodbye to them. I hate not being able to say goodbye to them.”
“I’ll tell them everything when the time is right, Ako.”
“Do you think they will ever forgive me?”
“Yes they will when they understand how serious the situation was at the time. We have to be patient with them when they forgive us. They will one day realize it was for the best and for your best interest.”
“Thank you, Ma.”
“I wish there was another way. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you.” She said as she gave me a bear crushing hug as tears ran down her face. I hate to see my mom so sad. But I know what we are doing is for the best. I’m also leaving so then Charlie won’t come and hurt them. I couldn’t bear to know that he hurt them. There’s still a chance him and his friends could hurt them, but they will have people to protect them if things get worse. The FBI is putting me in protective custody in California. But I’m not very hopefully.
“Watashi wa, anata o aishiteimasu, mamma.”(I love you)
“I love you too, Miyako. So very much! You must be safe. I canceled all of your accounts and moved them to a different one so you have money. I have some cash for you to take a bus to California. You’ve already been discharged so we can go whenever you are ready to leave. I also got you a phone so you can call me whenever you need me or if something is wrong.”
“But your safety-”
“Screw my safety! Your safety is far more important than my own.”
“Remember that house you grew up in?” I say trying to change the subject. I started putting on some clothes from the bag she had for me. She had a smile on her face as she remembers her childhood home.
“Yes, of course I remember that house. I remember it like it was yesterday. Why do you ask about it?”
“I’m going to find it and fix it up. I want to make it just the way you wanted it to look.” I say with a smile as I put my coat on. It was mid-November and was still very cold out. Early twenties outside.
“Thank you, Miyako. I love you to the moon and back.” She says as she gives me another hug. I hold onto my necklace and smile at her. My necklace she gave me when I was sixteen. A birthday present from her and dad. It was always a sang they would say to me before I would go to bed. It’s something that I hold close to my heart.
“Tsuki e to modotte. To the moon and back. Always.”
The drive to the bus station wasn’t very long. It was very quiet though. A peaceful type of quiet. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt calm or had any type of quiet. Charles never let me go anywhere without him. We were together for five years. He wasn’t abusive until about two years ago. Things just slowly got worse as time went on. He used to care about me once upon a time. I didn’t know what happened to him or what changed him, he just changed. In some sick way I still love him. I’m still hurting because I still love him. How crazy is that? But today I’m moving on. Today I decide to survive. Today I am a survivor and moving on with my life and I couldn’t be happier! I survived my abusive ex-boyfriend.
“I’ll call you when I get there safely?” I ask when we get to the bus station and were saying goodbye.
“Yes, I would love that. I put all of your old numbers in your new phone even Charlie’s. I wanted you to be prepared in case he tries to contact you or something.”
“Thank you, mama. I love you so much.”
“Be safe child. I’ll be thinking of you always. Be careful of you trust. Trust in your heart to know what to do. Your gut will tell you if something is wrong. Trust in your gut, Miyako.”
“Thank you, mama. I love you. I’ll call you when I get there.”
“Trust in your heart.” She says as we hug one last time. Who knows I will see her again but I’m hoping I will be able to see her again one day soon.
I waved goodbye to mom one last time. Seeing her for the last time for who knows how long. As I got on the bus I realized that I am free! I am finally free! Now this is my time to heal. I never thought I would become free. I am finally free of Charlie. This is my time to start over. Goodbye. It’s been real, Cincy. I’ll see you again one day soon.
