LOVE WITHOUT FEAR

CHAPTER FOUR

"I'm happy na inuuna mo ang studies mo pero huwag mo nang pakawalan si Deib Lohr, hija. Bagay na bagay kayo."Tumayo ako para isara sana ang pinto pero natigilan ako sa sinabing 'yon ni mommy. I'm sure si Kimeniah ang kausap niya. "He's still courting you, right?"

"Yes, mom," masayang tugon ng kapatid ko.

"He's a good guy. I hope your sister..." Tuluyan ko nang isinara ang pinto at hindi na tinapos ang idinugtong ni mommy.

Hindi ko na alam kung ano ang uunahin, studies o ang makahanap ng lalaking papasa sa standards nila. They want me to focus on my studies but at the same time, they kept on asking me if I'm dating someone. Or if there is a guy who's courting me or showing his interest in me. But there was none.

Hindi gaya ni Kimeniah, hindi ako ligawin, hindi ako gustuhin eversince. In fact, boys hated me, well, that's what I think. At first, of course, nagtataka ako. I always ask myself, what's wrong with me? I questioned my looks; my self-esteem went really low. I got conscious and awkward. I felt how plain and dull I was.

Pero sa pagdaan ng panahon, boys na mismo ang nagsasabi sa 'kin ng reason. I looked so masungit daw and sobrang intimidating. They don't even wanna be friends with me kasi parang parati raw akong magagalit o tatanggi. So, I realized, that's good din pala. At least, I never experienced being bullied by boys just because they see me as a weak female student. Although, they treated me as if they see me as an evil student na parang may gagawing masama parati kaya ilag sila sa akin.

It's all good though, I don't want anyone to see me as marupok na babaeng maghahabol at iiyak dahil lang sa kanilang itsura o estado sa buhay. I don't wanna be that kind of woman. I don't deserve a guy who'll show his interest at first, express his so-called-love, then makes me cry in the end. I can't imagine myself hurting for someone just because they like me or I like them. I mean, it was supposed to feel good, so why in love people...cry and get hurt? A waste of time, is it not?

Kaya siguro hindi ko pa naranasang may mag-confess sincerely sa akin. Someone tried to court me before, pero para lang sa pustahan na agad kong nalaman kaya hindi pa man ako kinikilig, wala na agad akong interest.

"Good morning," bati ko kinabukasan nang madatnan ko sina mommy't daddy sa dining table at kasamang nagbe-breakfast si Kimeniah. "I'm going to the mall to buy books and movie CD's, wanna come with me, Kim? My treat," naupo ako sa tabi niya.

"Sorry, ate. Deib Lohr asked me out with his best friends and Michiko," natatawang sagot ng kapatid ko.

Ngumiwi ako. "Yeah, it's weekend, bakit hindi ka sumama?"

"May group study kami ng groupmates ko, kapapaalam ko lang kina mom and dad. So, sabi ko kay Deib Lohr later na lang, after ng group study. But we're planning to go alone, magmumukha na naman kasing chaperone si Lee Roi kapag lumabas kaming lima."

Sabay-sabay kaming natawa, including mom and dad. Sa ilang taon na panliligaw nina Deib Lohr at Tobi kina Kimeniah at Michiko, maraming beses na silang nag-date. Parati na lang chaperone ang pinsan naming si Lee Roi. Serious type si Lee, kina Tob at Deib Lohr lang talaga siya nakikipagbiruan at madalas na sarcastic sa hindi niya lubos na kilala. Although siya ang matured mag-isip sa kanilang tatlo, Deib Lohr is extremely immature while Tob was childish. Wala pa akong nababalitaan na may ipinakilala si Lee Roi na girl sa parents niya. O kung meron man, I'm not sure kung may oras ang parents niyang makilala ito. I believe they're the busiest parents in the whole world together with my mom and dad, psh.

"I see. I can drop you off, where exactly are you going?"

"No, it's okay, Deib Lohr's going to pick me up, Ate Kez. Magkaiba tayo ng way."