Britney/Brittany

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We were all in the choir room and Mr. Schue wrote Christopher Cross on the board. Thomas had his arm around my shoulder. 
"All right, who can tell me who Christopher Cross is?" Mr. Schue asked facing away from the board and looking to us. 
"He discovered America," Brittany answered. 
"Close," said Mr. Schue. I rose my hand. 
"Y/N," he called on me. 
"He wrote what you would call an iconic chart topper: Sailing," I replied. 
"Correct!" Mr. Schue replied optimistically. 
"I have a bad feeling about this lesson," I heard Kurt mumble. 
"Never heard of him, don't want to hear about him," Tina mumbled.
"Now some people think of the term "Easy Listening" as a bad thing. But I'm going to let this music speak for itself. You guys love Lady Gaga and the Rolling Stones...and you guys are really good about putting it all out there. But really good music can also be controlled, and restrained. It doesn't have to attack an audience, it can let them come to you," Mr. Schue explained as he handed out sheet music.
"How could you get caught between the moon and New York City? They're like a hundred miles apart," Finn spoke up after reading the sheet music. 
"Correction. Several hundred thousand miles apart. And it's a metaphor, Finn, meaning that he's feeling stuck between two different places," I explained. 
"Mr. Shue?" Kurt rose his hand. "If I may. I think I speak for all of us when I say it's not that we don't love the idea of spending a week on this silky smooth Adult Contemporary, it's just that, as teens, this isn't the easiest music for us to relate to. However, there is a burgeoning Facebook campaign that has swelled to over five members. The ardent demand: That this week, at the fall homecoming assembly, the McKinley High School Glee Club performs a number by...Wait for it...Ms. Britney Spears."
"Spears, Spears, yeah," Artie said in agreement while Tina clapped enthusiastically. 
"Sorry, Kurt, Kurt, sorry," Mr. Schue said as he tried to quiet down the class. "No, no, no. I don't think she's a very good role model."
"But, Mr. Shue, we kind of grew of up with her," Rachel spoke up. 
"She's literally why I wanted to become a performer," said Tina. 
"I don't want to do Britney," Brittany interjected. 
"Why no Britney, Brittany?" Kurt asked. 
"Because my name is also Brittany Spears," Brittany replied. Everyone looked at her in confusion. 
"What?!" asked Mr. Schue. 
"What the hell is she talking about?" Mercedes asked. 
"My middle name is Susan, my last name is Pierce.That makes me Brittany S. Pierce.Brittany Spierce," Brittany explained. "I've lived my entire life in Britney Spear's shadow. I will never be as talented or as famous. I hope you'll all respect that I want Glee Club to remain a place where I, Brittany S. Pierce, can escape the torment of Britney Spears."
Mr. Schue grinned. 
"Well, there you have it, guys. It's been decided. No Britney. Sorry," said Mr. Schue. 
"Thanks, Britt. Thanks a lot," Kurt hissed. 
"Leave Brittany alone," Santana scolded. 
"Yeah, guys. We're a team. If one person feels uncomfortable with performing Britney, then we should respect that and move on," I said. Brittany and Santana looked at me with small smiles. 
"Thank you for understanding. It's been a hard road," said Brittany. 
"Um, can we move on?" Rachel requested. 
"Yes. Let's talk about Michael Bolton," said Mr. Schue. 

The rest of class was kind of dead and boring and most of us couldn't wait for it to be over. 

*The next day*

Mr. Schue told us we'd be having a visit from a dentist named Carl Howell who was also in a relationship with Ms. Pillsbury. When he came in he had these packages. 
"All right, so here's the deal. You chew this little capsule. Now if there's any plaque you missed, the dye will stick to it and turn your teeth blue," Mr. Howell explained. Well, this was going to be embarrassing for some of us. 
"Can I just say that you are the hottest dentist I've ever seen?" Santana rose her hand.
"I get that all the time," Mr. Howell replied in a chill tone. 
"No, like, seriously, you can totally drill me whenever..."
"Santana. Okay, let's stay focused," Ms. Pillsbury interrupted as Mr. Howell started passing the capsules out. 
"Rock n' roll, Emms, And besides, this guy..." Mr. Howell said walking over to Mr. Schue. "...now this guy's pretty easy on the eyes too, huh?" He placed a hand on Mr. Schue's shoulder. 
"And you know what? No matter how hard I tried, I bet I couldn't sing and dance like him." 
"Uh, probably not," Mr. Schue said, faking a smile. 
"All right, let's take a look at those chompers, huh?" Mr. Howell said. 
"Before we chew, I would just like to alert Mr. Schue that there's been a new addition to the Britney Spears Facebook campaign," said Kurt. 
"Sorry. The answer's still no. Capsules, guys," Mr. Schue replied. 
"Yes, chew away. Chew, chew," said Ms. Pillsbury. 

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