The Evil Wizard

Episode 1: The Dragon

A powerful, torsional body reared up in the gloomy confines of the cave, crimson scales glinting malevolently. Standing on four immense, clawed feet, the dragon bore down upon me, its maw contorted in viciousness and savagery.

"Do I look scary enough?

"Yes, I think so."

"He'll... he'll be here any minute. Any minute now."

"I would imagine so, yes."

"Do you think he'll bring the sword and shield? I've heard about those things."

"Again, I would imagine he would."

"But... don't swords, y'know, hurt?"

"They do indeed."

"Has anyone cut you with one before?"

"Many times, yes."

"Oh! What was it like? Did it hurt? Oh no, I don't know if I can do this. Maybe I should just give back the princess and—"

"Okay, calm down, Abirix. Let's focus on the steps we talked about. What are you going to do first?"

"Well... I know you said for him to make the first move, but wouldn't it be better if I went to him first, maybe flew down and breathed fire or something?"

"Again, I think that would be too dangerous. We don't know if he has anyone accompanying him, plus it is safer to fight on a battlefield of your terms, not his."

"Okay... so when he gets here, I figured I might try to scare him off with some mean words, and—"

"Wha—no! We already talked about this. Remember Enkidu's Rule: No monologuing, no gloating, no getting ahead of ourselves. It's the safest way."

"All right, if you say so... But I had all these really neat lines prepared—"

"Let's move on to the next step, shall we?"

"Oh, okay, erm... As soon as I see him, I blast him with fire, right?"

"Exactly."

"And you're sure that will work?"

"Absolutely."

"Okay, if you say so... Wait! Did you hear that?"

"Clanking metal, fumbling, overly masculine grunts of exertion. Yep, our hero is nearly here."

"B-but I'm not ready! Quick, let's run through the plan one more time!"

"You're ready, Abirix. I have faith in you. If I need to intervene, I will be watching from the shadows."

"O-okay... Here goes nothing, then!"

With a flourish of my hand, I enveloped my form with an invisibility charm before slinking off into the darkness further into the cave. Looking back, the hulking form of Abirix stood dauntlessly before his vast horde of wealth and his captor, the lone princess. She had been bound in chains but not gagged (Rule #72: A loud captive can make great bait, but not if they can spoil your plans.), and was currently wide-eyed and sufficiently terrified. I stood a bit off to the side of her, crossing my arms as I waited for the clanking warrior to appear.

"I... I know you're there."

The mumbled words came out of the princess' mouth.

"You're helping that dragon," she continued when I did not deign to answer. "I don't know why you are, but know this: Evil never triumphs, and the hero always wins. And once he slays that dragon, he'll slay you!"