shake the dust // JENLISA

Chapter 5

*

Jennie heard the sound of Lisa's laughter, but she didn't open her eyes at first. There was no way Lisa would be home so soon, was there? She rolled over onto her back and felt around for Scar, but realized that all three dogs had left the room. Ever since Lisa had left, Jennie had decided to bend the rules and let the dogs sleep on the bed with her. They were exceptionally clean thanks to Lisa's dedication-reminding Jennie that she never had time for them-and they offered the comfort that she severely needed.

Lisa's voice floated in through her open doorway again, as well as the dogs' excited whines and the scrape of their nails on the wooden floor. Her heart shot up into her throat. Lisa was back?

She hesitantly climbed out of bed, quickly fixed her hair and sleep shirt, and then padded out into the hallway. Just as she had hoped, Lisa was on her knees by the front door, grinning broadly as she petted and scratched the dogs' heads and sides. When she gave them each a gentle kiss on the head, Jennie decided to make herself known and left the shadow of the hallway.

"You're back," she said quietly.

Lisa's happiness dried away instantly. Any relief Jennie had felt fled with it. "Jennie." Lisa straightened and frowned at her. "I'm surprised you're at home."

Jennie rubbed a hand against her sore temple where a headache was already pounding and headed to the back door, opening it for the dogs to run outside. Once they did, she closed the door behind them and grabbed for a glass. The headache was steadily growing worse.

"Migraine," she explained softly. "Chaeyoung forced me to stay home today."

Lisa exhaled slowly. "Right."

Jennie swallowed some medication and washed the cup by the sink. Afterwards she twisted around and folded her arms across her chest, then gave Lisa her most serious stare. "Where were you?"

Lisa at least looked somewhat guilty. "I drove somewhere nine hours out. Stayed in a motel for a bit. I came back yesterday."

Anger and hurt bloomed in her chest. "Let me guess, you went to Jisoo before me?"

Lisa shoved her hands into her pockets. She was starting to look less guilty and more agitated. Before long, Jennie knew, she would be angry.

"At least they look forward to seeing me," Lisa spat angrily. "Not like you tried to call and find out where I am."

"I knew you wouldn't answer my calls, so Chaeyoung kept me updated."

Lisa covered her face with her hand and inhaled deeply. "I didn't come here to do this."

"Do what?" Jennie pushed away from the counter and paused right in front of Lisa. Lisa uncovered her face and glared down at her. "Why did you even come back, Lisa? You don't look happy to see me at all."

Lisa narrowed her eyes. "I'm not," she bit out. "I haven't been for a while."

Jennie recoiled. "Did you... did you really just say that?"

"Yes, Jennie. I don't really feel anything for you anymore. That's why I came back."

Jennie clenched her hands into shaking fists. Is she going to say it's over? That the past eleven years are nothing to her now? She felt the weight of her wedding ring on her finger, almost pulling her down into the floor, sinking down, down, down until she touched lava and dissolved into nothing. Her throat felt too tight, her heart hurt. "What are you saying?"

Lisa levelled her with a look. "The past eleven years with you were the best of my life," Lisa started. Jennie's stomach clenched hard. "And I'm not sure if throwing them away is the right thing to do. I... Jennie, I do still care about you. I don't think I like you much anymore. But I care. I married you all those years ago, I loved you for all of them. I think we need to go to a counsellor."

Jennie felt tears prick at her eyes. An emotion she hadn't felt welled up inside of her-affection for Lisa. "I thought you were going to say we should divorce," she said tearfully, sniffing. "I... I was so scared."

Lisa looked away and shifted her feet. "I don't think that's the answer." A pause. "Yet."

Jennie nodded. "When do we go?"

Lisa shrugged. "Once we call and make an appointment, I guess."

"Do you really think it will work?"

Lisa turned to look at her, and for the first time in a year, it felt like she was finally looking at her again. When she nodded, Jennie offered a weak smile. "We can only try," Lisa told her. "We owe it to the promises we made."

Jennie lifted her hand and spread her fingers out. She stared at the ring there. They had made many grand, impossible promises. It felt like each one sat heavily on her shoulders. As if sensing her immense distress, Lisa gently touched a finger to her ring.

"For what it's worth," Lisa said softly. "I'm sorry."

Jennie wanted to cry. She didn't. "Me too, Lisa."