want a relationship I really do and it's not even like I'm afraid of someone breaking my heart again I have believe I have the capability to trust someone but it's the fear that I won't find a love as deep as I had with her a fear that I won't ever experience some thing so intense and raw and If I do it's one sided and I'm falling and the same cycle repeats but would that really be so bad the I had with her was bliss every day I woke knowing she was mine was absolute heaven I had a reason to do better I was content I had an escape from reality maybe to the average on looker it would seem as if I wasn't but she made her presence in my life known and it's like she shot up like a star she was my star I was absolutely infatuated with every part of her I used to think i was feeling this because someone who's looks surpassed mine by far was into me but there has been a number of people that has tried to approach me for a relationship I felt nothing always found a flaw even if it was superficial and the person I was before I met her would be over whelmed with all this attention I would be falling to the knees at some of these women like a lost puppy but after meeting her after being with her after having her then loosing her no one could ever come close to filling the hole she left in my soul no one could ever make me feel the way she made me feel I fear this longing I have for her will never be Fulfilled unless she's with me in my warm embrace unless we are together as one exchanging energies, And this fear is very rational I don't even find other ppl attractive I don't feel the need or want to pursue a relationship with some one other that her I don't want to have that connection with anyone other than her but at the same time a part of me wants to move on cuz I know she's moved on to another part of her life and I'm still stuck here dwelling on the past and I want to be over her I really do but for some reason im so delusional I think that there's a part of her that still want to be with me that still feels
For me as I do her I try to suppress these feelings of longing so I don't affect my life but I think she left more of a impact on me than I want to admit. There has been plenty of time when I contemplated seeking professional help but this is just young love and I hope I wish to the universe around that I have the chance to experience something greater than her some that brings me pure bliss in every aspect of my life something someone that won't leave someone that will respect me and my wishes my ways my life someone.
