Clandestine Confessions

Love Overheard

"No. It's not—" Hubert exhaled through his nose, closing his eyes. How would he recover from this? It was simply a matter of strategy, which cleared a path to an honest response. Looking to Ferdinand and crossing his arms, Hubert took pride in the level tone of his reply. "It's not ready yet."

"Oh, so you are practicing? A wise decision," Ferdinand praised, still somewhat forced but more sincere than the previous remark. He looked towards Hubert directly, at least, and that had to be considered a success. "Would you prefer to speak to—someone?"

The offer took a moment to reach Hubert, who studied him in silence and dimly lit shadow. "Pardon?"

"I mean, you could rehearse your confession with someone willing to help. With me. If that is agreeable to you," he tacked on, smiling and uncertainty obvious in his eyes even at their distance.

If this were a strategy game, this would be a timed turn. An embarrassing parallel, to be sure, but none but Hubert had to know about it. This was not an obliged reply, and far more than what one would expect even a close friend to offer. Awkwardness would have encouraged him to end the conversation as soon as possible, not continue further into the subject matter that caused the discomfort to begin with.

"Very well. I accept," Hubert said more calmly than he felt. He was less distressed than when he first discovered Ferdinand, but he still had no concrete evidence to suggest he was in familiar emotional territory.

"You do? Ah, yes," Ferdinand regained his footing in the conversation, drawing himself up and joining Hubert between the rows of abandoned pews for a false religion they had already begun to dismantle with this war. Whatever came of the evening, there was potentially a measure of symbolism in this. Confessing his feelings to Ferdinand, whether he knew it or not, in the forgotten chapel of a derelict religion they were helping destroy... It did appeal to him. "I am ready whenever you are."

As he suspected, much of his lengthy speech vanished from his mind now that he was here to give it. What he could manage, he shared. "I appreciate you taking the time to answer my summons. I'm well aware that we both have extensive obligations to tend to," he acknowledged, gesturing to Ferdinand, who stood equally uneasy and eager. "Therefore, I will keep this brief. My original intention was to discuss this matter with you after we brought an end to the war, but it would seem my heart will simply not allow it."

The unsettled wavering warred with Ferdinand's bright-eyed optimism right before Hubert, leaving them both to struggle making eye contact. All at once, Hubert realized there was a potential scenario that Ferdinand had asked to practice with Hubert because he wanted to hear what it was like to have him confess those feelings. Which he would only want for mockery or to play out a personal daydream, and Ferdinand would never resort to such low conduct as taunting him for emotional vulnerability. He'd had ample opportunities before this if he were interested in doing so.

And if Hubert was mistaken, that would be easily forgiven and forgotten. He had done so much worse to Ferdinand and with intention behind it at that. This was nothing next to his extensive history of cruel indifference to Ferdinand's feelings.

Taking another step forward until they were barely a hand length apart, Hubert finished the part of his declaration that he recalled. "After bringing this to Her Majesty, she has urged me to follow that impulse—to you. And I believe you may suspect this already, but I love you—" A moment of hesitant breathlessness suspended between the two of them as weighty and charged as any spell. And was it not a certain kind of magic that they'd evolved from vehement hatred in their academy days to this instance, where Hubert could bring himself to take a risk offering only a marginal chance for positive results? "Ferdinand von Aegir."

Staying put, Ferdinand answered with a shaky laugh that pulled Hubert's heart down through his ribs. He had mistaken the atmosphere and his motive after all. "Yes, that—that was very touching, Hubert." Fussing with his cravat, he could barely hold his gaze on Hubert for more than a second at a time. How had he gone from so rapt to so ashamed? Was he genuinely that repulsed by the prospect? "I, for one, am impressed. Quite so. She is fortunate. Or he. Whoever they are."

"Ferdinand," he tried again, more desperate now than hopeful as he was prior. But what was there to lose now that he'd already made a fool of himself? The last effort he could give was to make it painfully clear what the truth was.

"Yes, Hubert?"

"It's you. The confession is for you."

Wide-eyed with a frozen smile, Ferdinand simply stood there as if actually encased in ice. The change from that paralytic state to lifting Hubert up with built, powerful arms was so abrupt that Hubert scarcely had time to brace himself on Ferdinand's forearms. Just as suddenly, Ferdinand spun them in a circle and dropped Hubert down in the opposite place from where he began. Hands still on his hips, Ferdinand laughed light and free as a bird on the wing.

"I could not help myself!" A poor apology and ingenuine, but the most Hubert could expect. He didn't enjoy the unannounced aspect of it, but the demonstration of Ferdinand's strength and enthusiasm did serve him well. "All of that was for me? Sincerely?"

"Y-yes." Hubert rested his hands on Ferdinand's arms still as well, unsure of if or where to move them. Everything had changed in more ways than he could account for.

"I thought someone as exacting as you, and someone I have fought so bitterly over the years, that you would never—but I am rambling." Shaking his head, Ferdinand relaxed his grip on Hubert but did not release him. By then, it would be preferred that he didn't. "You hold romantic feelings for me, and I do for you as well!" Leaning in and tilting his head up, Ferdinand placed a gentle kiss that lingered on his cheek. Soft and unsure but heartfelt, and their first. What else did the kiss need to be for it to be treasured? "I love you, Hubert. I have for many moons now."

"Moons, you say," he teased, resting his forehead to Ferdinand's with a weightless smile. "Then I have you beaten there."