Ren had been living with his best friends and roommates, Hux and Phasma, for a few years now. But everything changed one day, almost four years ago to this day. Looking at the calendar, Ben felt pain lace it's corset around his heart and squeeze until he couldn't breath. Whoever said the pain would go away, was a liar.
Taking a deep breath, he pulled on the dark shirt he had picked for the day, pulling his father's vest-jacket over it and stuffing his phone and a switch-comb into the pockets. Lacing up his combat boots, he wasn't surprised that the glitter from yesterday was still clinging desperately to the strings, desperate for recognition. A small smile, broken but kind, crossed his face as he headed into the bathroom.
Looking for his eyeliner, he grew frustrated when his was all gone, and he had to borrow Phasma's, promising to buy her a new stick later tonight. As he got ready, he grabbed the small container of glitter from under the sink, sprinkling some on his boots, into his hair, and along his black shirt. Once he was sure he wouldn't get any in his eyes, he gently lined his eyes with the eyeliner and glitter. It wasn't much, but it was something he did every year on this day since... Since her death.
After some time, he finally left the bathroom and headed out, leaving a note for his roommates, going to meet up with Rey for their morning jog and coffee. Things were easier with her; they could talk for hours about his parents, and he was never judged for breaking down when all four of them were together. He had never known such peace with people, but Rey, Hux and Phasma made it all worth it. They made him feel normal for the way he felt. Never like he had to explain why he was suddenly breaking down.
As they neared the coffee shop, he stopped, hearing his phone ring. Looking at the ID, he grimaced slightly. It was his boss. Answering, he tried to keep his voice light.
"You have tonight off, Solo. But I expect you in Monday bright and early." Click. Well, he certainly wasn't expecting that. But he wasn't looking a gift horse in the mouth. Stepping inside, they hurried up to the counter when it was clear, grinning at Finn. "Hey, Rey, hey Ben," he said, flashing a bright grin to the two of them. Ben and Finn had hated each other because of how close they both were to Rey, but after Poe, Rose and Finn had gotten married, their hatred for each other had dwindled, after Ben realized that Finn actually wasn't in love with Rey like he had previously believed.
"It's hard, Rey," Ben said as they sat down, coffees in hand. "It hasn't gotten easier in four years. It never will, they're both gone. I don't even have Uncle Luke anymore to make things easier," he added, frowning as he sipped his too-hot latte and immediately burned the roof of his mouth. After some thought, Ben sighed and looked at the street. Rey knew immediately where he was: the graveyard his family was buried. Reaching out, Rey put a hand over his, squeezing gently. "We can visit them, if you want to," she said, her voice gentle. Ben glanced back at her and smiled. How did he get such an amazing cousin, he'd never understand. He knew it had to be hard on her, too, with Luke having adopted her just a few months prior to his sudden, out-of-the-blue death.
Settling down in front of his parents' graves, Ben inhaled slowly, closing his eyes and relaxing. "Hey, mom, dad," he spoke, his voice breaking. Hearing a twig snap nearby, he wasn't prepared to see Hux in the cemetery too, but when he knelt and scuffed a sunken grave with his foot, Ben realized he was probably there to cause hell for his abusive father. Good for him. Turning back to his parents' markers, he smiled weakly. "Rey got accepted into Harvard, mom. Dad, I've kept your vest clean and safe these years, and I'm sorry. I know you probably still hate me, but the accident wasn't my fault. I didn't see the truck..."
"Why do you wear that stuff?" Hux asked suddenly, coming up to Ben, sitting beside him and Rey. Realization that he had never told anyone but Rey why he wore the glitter caused Ben to blush, and clear his throat. "For my mom. She used to wear it every day because of her depression. It was her way to fight it. And when it was really bad, she looked like she bathed in glitter, it was everywhere. But it brought her happiness, and, in some way, it brings me happiness too.. it makes me feel like she's still here, even if she's been gone for four years." Tears glistened in his eyes, but he wasn't going to cry. "I miss her.. so much." And then the gates broke and he was sobbing into the arms of two of his best friends, unaware that his mother was right beside him, in spirit.
"I'm so proud of you, Benjamin... I love you."
YOU ARE READING
"For My Mother"
Fanfiction"Why do you wear that stuff, sir?" Hux asked, crossing his arms. Kylo - no, Ben - looked up from what he was doing, the glitter in his hair and incorporated into his eyeshadow glittering. "For my mother," he said softly.
