Ranting

The Dark

⚠️ Trigger Warning: Self Harm

The shadow creeps up on me
The voices in my head screaming
"You're worthless"
"Failure"
"You'll never be anything"
"Just die"
"You're stupid"
"No one loves you"
"Why aren't you dead yet?"

I curl up into a ball
Head in my hands
Ready for it to all be over
I ask for help
but the answer is always the same
"You're being dramatic"
"You're overreacting"

I keep telling myself
That I'll be okay but
something negative always comes to mind
The tiny voice continues to cry
"save me, please, I can't seem to take this"

Every morning
I put on the same fake smile
The same fake laugh
adding a hint of sparkle in my eyes
to make it seem like everything is fine
Pretending everything is okay
When everything is fucked

Every night
I go to the same drawer
To get the same blade
To cut on the same arm
To get the pain out of my head

The cold blade slides across my skin
Feeling my skin tear
A tear falls as the voices come back
"You're worthless"
"No one loves you"
"Stupid"
"Failure"

I stand still yet it feels like everything is spinning
Walls start closing in
I can't breathe
I close my eyes and everything goes silent and dark

A/N: Before you start worrying about me, I'm okay! I'm almost 2 months clean. I have been close to committing suicide before. I wasn't at a good place and was at my very lowest. The reason why I'm still fighting today is because I promised my dog I would before we put him to sleep and I have friends that I consider my family, I know they love me.
Supernatural taught me to Always Keep Fighting. "Keep grinding. No matter how much it hurts, no matter how hard it gets, you gotta keep grinding. And that's how we're gunna win." - Dean Winchester
It's been hard but I'm getting better, I promise. 🤍