When the clock begins to creep it's way towards midnight, most sixteen year olds on a school night are sleeping. Most are tucked away in bed having completed all their work for the day and are prepared for the morning.
I, am not.
I am sat in bed with thoughts reeling around my mind. I have not done my homework and did not finish everything I was hoping to complete through the day.
I have to wake up in roughly six hours for the bus and should probably sleep. But my mind is too busy to fulfil the basic human need.
I find myself thinking of the strangest things. Most of them are not the good and happy thoughts that I so easily pretend to have during the day.
The thoughts that creep into my mind in the dead of night are of misery and pain and everything wrong in the world.
It's usually the perfect time for an existential crisis.
And at this time, I think about my day and there is always one thing that springs to mind. Always one thing going around my head.
"What's the point?"
I'm tired and I'm lonely. I hate everything about myself and despise the work around me. So what is the point in anything?
People say happiness is the point but that's not something I believe in.
People say success is the point but I am a known failure.
People say love is the point. But they also say you have to love yourself before anyone can love you. So they're saying that I will never be loved. Because I don't know how to love myself. Nobody has ever shown me.
So I ask, once again, what's the point?
And already my mind is spinning as these thoughts crowd into my brain and I can't control it anymore. I can't just switch it off like I used to.
So it is in the dead of night when my mind is busiest and my brain is full of these midnight thoughts.
