AMRJ One Shots

A Look into the Past

But I really needed someone to talk to so I began chatting to Layla, who seemed a little distant. She was probably regretting being online. I didn't blame her, after I practically cut her from my life. And then I had the audacity to start talking to her randomly as if everything was okay.

She didn't know about Javed. Nor did Safia. I was too ashamed to tell them and he felt like my little secret. In my head, I had envisioned my wedding with Javed many times and day dreamed about Safia and Layla being present and congratulating me. Lately, that daydream was starting to annoy me. I started imagining things like Javed tripping, just to feel even to him. I felt so inferior it hurt!

While talking to her, my mind wandered to Javed. And before I knew it, my fingers took me to his account and I stared at his profile picture. There was a mixture of emotions and feelings. There really was a fine line between love and hate because I wanted to punch him as much I wanted to hug him. But then I saw a comment on his message board and just wanted to punch him. I wanted to punch him very much.

There was a new picture of him and he was smoking. I told him to stop! I tried not to preach too much because he hated people preaching to him but I told him how bad it was for his health. Then, even though there was a voice screaming in my head not to read the comments, I scrolled down to see the comments. There was a comment by a girl which read:

'Looking smoking hot! :P'

But that wasn't what angered me most. It was Javed's stupid response!

'As hot as you? :P'

I let out an angry screech and pushed my laptop aside. He didn't know I had a facebook otherwise he would have controlled that too. It was my only bit of freedom from him. But stupid me couldn't escape him from there too. I hated myself for always checking up on his profile which he kept public. Sometimes I wondered if he did this because he knew I'd check his profile. But then again, his world didn't really revolve around me like mine unwillingly did around him.

I forced myself to get up and pray Isha, trying to avoid my dad. Then I went to sleep, a few tears still sliding down my face.

The next day, I woke up to my phone vibrating like crazy. I thought it was my alarm for Fajr which I had on vibrate so I didn't wake my dad and get told off. Instead, I realised I missed Fajr because I could feel the bright sunlight on my skin. I saw that it was Javed calling me. I had missed eight of his calls and I immediately knew he would be furious. I could feel the fear, which became a familiar companion, always lingering in the form of a suffocating pain around my sore heart.

"Asalaamu'alaykum," I said, finally building up the courage to answer the phone.

"Woken up then, sleeping beauty?" Immediately I was suspicious, dismissing what sounded like sarcasm in his voice.

"What do you want?" I asked.

"Meet me at two, where we usually meet." After taking a couple of deep breaths, I replied,

"No."

"I said meet me at the usual spot. If you're not there..."

"Then what?" Javed's cynical laugh, which terrified me as well as infuriated me, followed my question.

"You know," He said, hanging up. He'd end up at my house and reveal everything to my dad. That threat hung over my head. My dad wasn't keen on me being a Muslim, let alone being with a 'Muslim.' And there was also the threat of all the lies he'd promised he'd tell my dad if I stepped out of line. It didn't seem like much of a threat to a person who didn't know Javed. But I knew him. And I knew how convincing and cunning he would be. My dad already lacked trust in me after the day he caught me in a hijab and had me confess everything about converting.