Dear Amy

Prologue

It happened so suddenly, but it was everything a first love should have been. There was passion and desire, craving and lust. It took too long to begin, and ended too soon. Yes, there was sexual exploitation, but there was also love and respect. I was just 15, still a virgin in every sense of the word, but I knew this was it. He was 16, a virgin in no way. He didn't take my complete virginity, only half. I was innocent when we met and my soul impure when we were together. There was never a doubt in my mind that he could be the one, but he cheated. I did what any stupid young girl would do and stayed with him, giving him another chance. After he cheated, things were bad for a few weeks, then they got better, great even. At that point, I knew. We loved each other deeply and I never thought it would end. But it did.
January 12, 2016, it ended. He allowed me to go through all day at school thinking we were fine. He walked me to class, held my hand, kissed me, hugged me, and held me. I had no clue things weren't working. Until I got the text. He said he wanted to talk about us, but he didn't want to talk about us, because when you talk, you try to resolve things and figure them out. He wanted to end us. He said all the right break up lines, played all the right cards.
"It's really not you, it's me." "We're too different." "I'm just unhappy because I know you deserve better." "Deep down I still feel love for you." "I want us to get back together in the future." "I know I told you not to cry, but I'm about to." "I'm sorry." "Breaking up with you is the hardest thing I've ever had to do and it hurts me more than you know." "We will still be the closest of friends."
But it wasn't him, it was her. He wasn't unhappy because he thought he didn't deserve me, he was unhappy because I was too scared to have sex with him. He didn't still feel love for me, he loved her. He didn't care about the future. He never was about to cry, he couldn't cry. He wasn't sorry. Breaking up with me was as easy as asking her out a couple hours later. We were friends, for about 2 weeks maybe.
But one thing he said then was true, we were too different. I was looking forward to college and settling down afterward. I loved kids and dreamed of starting a family in the future. I was hoping to be an actress and I had a solid 4.0 GPA, determined to attend Yale. He on the other hand, wasn't even passing the ninth grade when he should be in eleventh. He didn't want to go to college. He hated kids and always said he was never going to settle down. His plans were to leave me alone during the day and to ride with friends. He wanted to be a sponsored BMX rider. We were completely opposite.
In the end, I eventually ended up with who I needed. But he would never be my first love and no one would ever understand. But I was happy and safe with him, and I had never loved anyone so passionately besides my first love. But this isn't about my first love or even my second, this is about my forever love, the one who I thought was out of my life forever. But life has a way of surprising you.