YuffieProductio...
9 months ago

Thank you for the comment. I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)

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EricaJimenaBSal...
9 months ago

Yes I couldn't read the second chapter from my stupid computer at work. But it looks like ch 2 has what I. Was missing. Now I can't wait to go home tonight and read ch 2. She gets her fingers chopped off?! You are cruel, I like you lol. Anywho. Let me read it and I let you know .    Sorry I don't get my time to write I don't get home till 1am and I leave the house by 7am so I don't have much computer time and my phone is horrible.

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YuffieProductio...
9 months ago

Thank you very much for the comment! :) 

Have you only read the first chapter so far? The other readers agreed taht Chapter two kind of completed the picture, because so far you just saw them interact with commoners, so chapter two shows them interacting with nobles. Both sides are very different. 

Do you have any suggestions on how to give them more dimension? Where in that aspect were they lacking exactly? Kairi had stolen in the past and got her fingers chopped off (and Healed back on) as punishment, which is why she was so adamant on following the rules to the T, even when it's foolish to do so. Cleon, on the other hand, can see where the rules fall short, but he's also much too emotionally involved with his ideals and goes to the other extreme by solving the problem from the most immediate solution: stealing food. He can't see that he won't be able to do this forever and he needs to find another solution.

So if you can add any more dimension to that, please let me know. 

And from the snotty way Kairi was acting, wouldn't you be really rude to her, too? I'm not sure I understand what you meant when you called her "innocent"? 

Thanks again, and I really appreciate the feedback. :)

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YuffieProductio...
10 months ago

Thanks for the comment! Ah, it's probably typos. >.< If you see any, please tell me. 

Ooo yes, that helps greatly! I'm glad that was realistic, then. 

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EricaJimenaBSal...
10 months ago

yes i have ridden a busa im 145lb and it was way too big for me and it had a lowering link that brought the bike down about3 1/2 inches, and yeah you couldnt put smaller tires on a bike, wider yeah but never smaller. someone as small as kara would probably had a horrible time keeping the front tire on the ground and if she hit the brakes to bring the tire back down she would probably loose control of the bike making the front tire skip and and wabble the whole bike until it hit the ground .  

i hope that helps you out

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YuffieProductio...
10 months ago

  Thank you very much for the comment! I'll work on more detail. :) I won't be doing Jared's POV of the bike thing because that'll get repetitive, I think, but thank you for the suggestion! 

Eep I didn't see your reply. Sorry about that! 
I watch a lot of videos on youtube, and I research them a bit. :P But I really don't know too much about them. If you see anything odd in the upcoming chapters about it, do let me know because I'm pretty much making this all up from my head. 

Oh! I do have a question. Is it realistic that a Hayabusa is too big for Kara to ride? Someone told me it would be too big for her, so that's where that chapter came from. 

:o What kind of bike do you have? 

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EricaJimenaBSal...
10 months ago

well i must say your description of the bikes and all i would have thought that you at least had ridden in the back of one, you must have done some research, lol. if u ever want to know anything about bikes, let me know ive been riding for almost 10 years so feel free to message me. hheck if you live near by i would even take you for a ride, ppl always ride with me

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YuffieProductio...
10 months ago

Thanks for the tip! I've never been on a bike before, so I have no idea. :P I'm really glad you're liking the story so far. :)

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YuffieProductio...
10 months ago

Thanks for the comment!

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EricaJimenaBSal...
10 months ago

thanks you are awsome!!

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