under the stars | h.j.g.

chapter 1

It was a warm night in late august. I was laying on the grass, looking at the many stars in the sky and just thinking. That's what I often do since my whole family was murdered, just thinking. Thinking about life, the future, my family and the creature I am now. I often ask myself how anyone could ever love like me.

It would be a lie if I'd say that I was happy. I was far from it. I missed my family horribly. I sometimes still feel the same pain i did on the day I saw their dead bodies. I see them everywhere. In my dreams...
everywhere.
I tried so hard to ignore the constant pain but I just can't.

"I hope you are happier up there. I love you three so much.
I am so miserable without you. I mean look at me. Look what for a horrible creature I am now.
Remus always tries to cheer me up or tell me that everything we'll be alright again. I don't believe it, I can't believe it. It is kind of weird to think that I live now with my old DADA teacher. I mean he is a really nice guy and we have a great relationship tho." It is true. Remus was the only person I fully trust right now and the only person who understands me.

"I don't know how I am going to survive like this. I miss you so much. Too much." I said while tears were running down my cheeks.

I softly closed my eyes trying to think about happy memories. Like me and Amanda camping together outside and searching for constellations that look like animals. Or mum almost setting the whole house on fire when she tried to cook like the muggles do. While thinking about all these happy memories I slowly fell asleep.

It was the next morning. I woke up, with the oversized leatherjacket i found in Remus closet around me, still laying on the grass.
The leatherjacket doesn't really look like something Remus would wear but who knows, it maybe used to be his friend's, or boyfriend's, who knows. I got up and went back into the small house, where i already lived for about 2 and a half months.
I walked into the house and saw Remus sitting at the table, nipping at his coffee while reading a book.

"Morning Remmy" I said with a small smile.

"Good morning. Wait- El, have you spent the whole night out there? Again" He looked at me with an eyebrow raised.

"What? No, no, not me. I slept in my bed of course." I responded with an innocent smile and puppy dog eyes.

"Oh don't do this Ella. I know when you are lying. You should stop falling so often asleep outside. One day you are definitely going to catch a cold." "and stop doing this thing with your eyes" He said and tried doing the same puppy eye thing.

"But I didn't catch a cold tho, did I?And do you mean these puppy dog eyes?" I said while I did the puppy dog eyes right.

"Uhm yes puppy...dog eyes." He said quietly and with a quite sad voice "Never mind. You should go change and then come down for breakfast."

"Alright, and sorry about the dog thing. I didn't know it would hit you so hard." I said.

"It's okay Ella. It is not your fault." "It's not...your fault." He quietly repeated while feeling his eyes tearing up a bit.
Ella was already gone so she didn't notice anything.

After they both finished breakfast, Ella went back to her room and starting packing her things together. One day was left until reality would hit again, until she is gonna see her friend she ignored the whole summer again, until she would return Hogwarts as a whole new person.
She was scared. Scared of what's gonna happen. Scared of having to leave the small house where she felt safe in. She was just scared.

After packing three hours on the muggle way, she was finally finish and could relax. She fell back on her bed and closed her eyes. Breathing slowly in and out.