Be My Baby Boy

Maximum effort

"Stop staring at him!" Wade hissed.

"But he's so adorable! How can I not stare!" Pool hissed back. "He's adorable and he even likes it when we talk with our voices! He said so! To Black Widow!" Pool sounded both awed and enamoured.

"I know, that was amazing!" Wade cooed. "But no staring! It makes us look like a creep, staring at baby boy when he sleeps," Wade said, staring at Peter with adoring eyes.

"Yeah, when we did it before we were dating and he didn't know. But we're boyfriends now. Can't we do it now?"

"You stared at me when I was asleep before??" Peter asked, his voice still rough from sleep.

"Fuck!"

"Fuck!"

"No, we didn't," Pool said unconvincingly. Peter gave him an unimpressed look, trying to hide how cute he found the twin panicky expressions on his boyfriends' faces.

"Okay, fine, we did, but it was just once and it was an accident!" Wade said really quickly as if that would make it less creepy.

"You accidentally stared at me when I was asleep? How exactly?" Peter asked.

"Remember that time we fought that 25 foot long alligator in the sewers?" 

Peter wrinkled his nose, getting a phantom memory of the smell of the sewer, which his enhanced senses had made almost unbearable.

"I always thought they were a myth --"

"-- but there it was, big as life and almost as ugly as me --"

"Wade!" Peter said sternly.

"Sorry, baby boy!"

"And you got injured, so when you swung home, I followed--" Pool continued. 

Peter remembered his flight home vaguely. He had been in pain and he had refused Wade's offer to help. Well, they hadn't been dating yet and he hadn't wanted Wade to find out where he lived. He had barely managed to make it home, swinging far slower than usual, taking time between webs to rest on convenient corners.

"-- just to make sure you got home safely --"

"--which you did, but well..."

"We saw the window you used to get in. But we didn't get in!" Pool added hastily. "We respected your privacy."

"That time. We didn't get in that time," Wade said.

"But I thought you might be hungry the next day. Healing is tiresome work. So I ordered you a pizza."

"That was you??" Peter asked. "I thought it was some sort of a mixup! It was pepperoni and mushrooms. My favourite." That pizza had saved the day, as Peter had nothing in the fridge and the alligator bite, well, more of a graze, on his thighs still needed healing.

"I know! You ordered it in my place that time and I remembered!" Wade said proudly.

"Thanks, babe," Peter said and both Wade and Pool glowed with happiness.

"So anyway... about a week later I was calling you and you didn't answer --" Wade picked up the story.

"-- and I got worried, so I sort of went to see you, you know in case there were any signs of struggle or something. And I got to your building and scaled the wall and there you were --"

"-- zonked out in bed under like eight blankets or something, out cold. You know if you didn't want me to look in your window, you should have drawn your curtains in."

"I ... what? I didn't know you knew where I lived! And I lived on the sixth floor!" Peter exclaimed indignantly.

"Well you know, us mercenaries."