Dusk & Dawn

7- back to disneyland

The entire ride home was in an oppressive silence. My mom was still discontent as she drove; you could tell by the way she vented out her frustrations at reckless drivers. Gianna sought solace in a nap through the ride back to Midland. She was happy to see me, and I was happy to see her, excusing our current circumstance.

As soon as we got home, I grabbed my bag and headed back inside.

"Not so fast," my mother's stern voice stopped me mid-stride. I turned back, dropped my bag by my foot, and folded my arms to listen to her.Mom pecked Gianna and told her to go upstairs; she walked past me, the worry evident on her face.

"Where were you?" She asked me, crossing her arms as well.

"At work," I simply responded.

"You asked for a sense of normalcy, I agreed to you going to college despite the stress it brings to you. And now you go behind my back and start working at a diner?" She let all hell broke loose.

"Because you'd stop me from doing it. Besides, I barely do anything at the diner; it's not a lot of work, Mom," I tried to explain to her.

"Are you trying to kill yourself?" She asked me, her voice shaking as she grabbed a hold of the edge of the couch for balancing.

"Mom," I inched closer to her. "Look at me," I asked as I pulled her chin towards me. "We both know there's no surviving this."

"No, that's not true," she actively shook her head.

"So stop trying so hard to save me."

"Look Raine, as long as there's life in me, I'm not giving up on you," she vowed, as she rubbed the tears out of her eyes.

I watched her climb the stairs letting out silent whiners in between sobs. I took my bag and headed straight to my room. I took off my clothes and made a warm bath. As I stepped into it, I felt my soul relax, but my mind was still in constant turmoil.

I heard a soft knock on the door of my bathroom before Gianna's head popped in.

"Come in."

She walked into the bathroom and sat on the edge of the hot tub as she stared at me in pity.

"What did I say about looking at me that way?" I splashed some water on her face and she laughed holding out her hand to stop the water from landing on her face.

"Are you still drinking?" She asked me, her smile disappearing from her face.

"Why? Did you go through my bag?"

"Raine, I wouldn't know what to do if you aren't there," she whispered, her entire countenance pleading with me. My heart broke to see Gianna like that. Seeing how she wasn't so oblivious to the entire situation broke my heart.

"Of course, who'd give you inspo to paint?" I let out a laugh as I splashed more water on her. "Now get out, let me finish up in here." She only smiled as she headed out with a sigh.

My fake laugh soon morphed into a whimper and then a silent cry. I had vowed not to cry about this. I had vowed not to cry about what was beyond my control.

And tonight, I broke the vow, without a fight.

Another day, another life.

I headed downstairs that morning, ready for my appointment with the doctor (Dr Topaz).  I sat on the couch as I scrolled through my messages. I thought about Ezra, hoping to text him not to worry about anything, but I had no way of contacting him, and that was quite frustrating.

I looked at the last message between me and Naomi, which was about four days ago when she'd asked if I wanted her to include my dinner in her food. I didn't know what to say to her. I should apologize, I knew that.

"Mom, I cannot find my tie!" Gianna yelled as she scampered down the stairs, her unbuttoned uniform shirt flying as she did. As I looked at her, her words from yesterday replayed in my head.

She suddenly tripped as she accidentally skipped one of the stairs and landed on her butt. I rushed to her and helped her up.

"Are you okay?"

"No! Of course not." She yelled back at me, the corners of her lips twitching up to a smile, which made me burst out laughing in mockery.

My smile immediately disappeared when I found blood streaming down her nose while she still rubbed her butt where she landed.

"Did you hurt your nose?" I asked her, and she shook her head as a response. I helped her to the kitchen and opened the tap to help her wash her nose. More blood kept on coming, so I balanced her head and pinched her nose to stop the bleeding.

"Am I supposed to breathe with my mouth?" She asked as she looked at me like I had no idea what I was doing.

"Yes, you idiot." I hit her head slightly as she glared at me jokingly.

"Oh my God, Gianna! What happened?" My mom screamed as she rushed into the kitchen. She then turned to me with a questioning glare.

"You don't think I did this, do you?" I asked as my brows lined up to a frown.

"Mom, I just tripped on the stairs," Gianna answered, so I let mom finish up with the first aid.

I grunted in frustration as I stood up from the hospital bed. It had been five hours of ritual physical discomfort which was under the guise of chemotherapy, and it was only natural for my body muscles to strain and hurt with every little movement.

I walked to the window and looked outside the hospital. The room felt like someone had lived in there. I wondered if the person had cancer like me. I then wondered if they survived or if they couldn't make it.

"Time to go, Ms. Parker." The nurse came into the room with a smile as she led me outside. "You have to come in for the second session tomorrow." She informed me, and I only nodded in reply.

Gianna was leaning on the car in her school uniform by the time I got to mom's car.

"How're you feeling now?" I asked her.

"My legs still hurt and I think that I might have sprained a muscle in my hip," she answered as she tried to kick the air to see if it still hurt.

"Have you told mom?"

"She'll get super worried and have me stay at home," she answered and I nodded affirmatively because I could relate well to that. "The pain will probably disappear soon enough."

"If it doesn't, make sure you tell her though." I advised and she nodded in response.

Nov 11th