Will You Ever Notice? (Bad Girls Series #2)

Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Pero ano ngayon kung maging makasarili ako?

Can't I be completely selfish... just this once? Can't I let go of every inhibition now... so I can go after what I really want for myself?

Ilang beses ko na bang pinigilan ang sarili ko para sa mga bagay na gusto ko? Ilang beses ko na bang inisip nang mabuti ang lahat bago ako tuluyang pumili? Na sa sobrang tagal, nalalason lang ang utak ko sa lahat?

Napapikit ako habang unti-unting may napagtatanto sa nararamdaman ko.

Maybe that's it. 'Yong bagay na mayro'n si Lael na hindi ko maipaliwanag.

Lael makes me want to throw anything else away and be consumed by him completely. Parang mahikang gusto akong hilahin palabas ng mundo ko. Isang sumpang gustong-gusto kong magkaro'n.

Gusto kong itapon lahat—magbulag-bulagan sa lahat para lang makasama sa mundo n'ya.

That sounds so selfish but it is what my heart really wants. Ilang ulit nang isinisigaw ng puso ko 'yon pero parang ngayon ko lang binigyang pansin. Ngayon ko lang inisip na pagbigyan ang sarili kong makinig sa kung ano ang sinasabi ng puso ko.

It's clear to me now—I want to be part of his world.

Wala akong pakialam sa mundong iiwan ko kung s'ya naman ang kapalit.

He makes me want to do all of that.

He makes me want to drop everything just so I could hold him selfishly for myself.

Do I like him, then?

Hell, yes.

It's a definite yes.

Bakit ko nga ba hindi napapansin ang nararamdaman ko noon?

I like Lael Jaxtyn Lozoya.

I admit that now. I like him.

I like him so much.

I like how he treats me. I like how he smiles and stares at me. I like being with him and I like every moment I spend with him.

Every step I take with him, it feels like I'm seeing a glimpse of a peaceful and happy future that I am sure I will not see from anybody else.

I can breathe. I can be free. I can be who I want to be.

He makes me feel happy. He makes me feel alive.

I am a completely different person when I'm with him. I feel like my dark and toxic world has been painted with a variety of colors.

I feel like I'm living in a different world when I'm with Lael—to the point that I couldn't even recognize myself.

I'm better when I'm with him. And I love Lael's Zenica. Kumuyom ang panga ko at napapikit ako.

"Pasok na—" Vaughn started to say to me but I turned around and started walking away.

Ilang minuto na ang lumipas nang umalis si Lael pero umaasa akong hindi pa sila nakaka-alis nang tuluyan. I want to tell him that I'll stay here not because I still have feelings for Seve.

Wala na. Matagal na. Ngayon ko lang tuluyang napagtanto na wala na akong nararamdaman para sa kan'ya.

Ngayon ko kinekuwestyon ang lahat ng naramdaman ko para sa kan'ya noon. I don't know what I felt for Seve... but I know for sure that it wasn't love.

Because Lael showed me what love is. He taught me how love should be expressed... even without words.

Na kahit sa simpleng mga bagay, titibok sa saya ang puso ko at makakaramdam ako ng kapayapaan. Kahit sa mga simpleng bagay, nararamdaman kong kumpleto ako.