So What If I Love You (Eren x Levi)

Urge

notes from me, the author 👉🏽👈🏽 hi ahaha, how awkward but anyway I forgot to put this at the start but better late than never as they say. Um I wrote this while listening to this song (the one up above) on repeat : You (slowed down) by Petit Biscuit
I mean I downloaded it and had headphones in most of the time. So thats what gave my story more feeling, I think you'd understand if you just heard it on repeat while reading, its absolutely beautiful. I mean you don't have to but yeah, sorry for the long authors note..carry on

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Mika didn't like Levi and would express her uncertainty in a rude way if she found out we spoke. She was a top notch student after all, the only reason I wrote decent grades. She also planned out our future so I just existed to be placed as she wanted, but that was alright since I'm useless any other way regardless.

After school I took Mika home before heading to my own. My mom had asked me to eat dinner with her since she got off earlier which is why I didn't stay at her house.

Everything around me was silent, the streets, no wind nor people and I randomly started thinking about why I was doing all this in the first place coming to no conclusions, how boring. Doubt filled my mind as I turned to look into the alleyway I had found Levi yesterday. Of course he wouldn't be there

"Looking for something?", a familiar, monotonous voice asked behind me. I turned to see the person I was looking for. His face hadn't gotten any new wounds and the ones from yesterday had gotten darker. "No, I was just passing by", I answered stepping back as he placed his hands in his front pants pockets, looking me up and down. Without a word he started to walk down the alleyway, an urge came over to me as his name slipped my lips hence he turned around.

"Want to come over for dinner", I blurted out, worrying and fretting over the words I had just said as then I watched as his eyes widen and his right hand had wandered from his pocket to covering his mouth as he started laughing.

He finally calmed down returning to his poker face. "I'll take you up on that offer, Yeager", unlike yesterday we didn't rush home, we walked side by side in utter silence.

Mom opened the door and smiled at us. "Sorry mom, I brought a friend over", she opened the door wider so we could come in to take our shoes off. She said it was no problem and went ahead to prepare another plate. He followed me into the kitchen and I told my mom I wasn't hungry, so she wrapped my food up putting it in the refrigerator. Mom had already ate and left us alone in the kitchen. It was awkward since we barely knew each other. I cleaned off his plate after he finished and washed it. He stared at me as if he were trying to analyze me.

I coughed purposely to strike up the nerve for conversation "So why do you skip class", his elbow was on the table as he supported his head with his palm. I started making tea to have something to do since I was too nervous to sit or stand still. "I'm a delinquent", he answered shortly making me even more curious than before. The water boiled on the stove and he stood up closing in on me. Somehow the aura around him changed and I felt pressured "What's your motive? Am I part of your game?", vertical lines formed between his eyebrows but his eyes seemed wistful.

Cornered I tried to search for the perfect answer, unsure of what I could say that he would want to hear. I knew too little about him. I stared and bit my bottom lip, the truth? Is that what you want, am I allowed to?

"I don't know..", I mumbled in a hushed tone before pushing him gently, so I could relax a little before continuing "For the first time I told the truth, you also make me curious.  I wonder why isn't he here or will I see him in the alleyway today", the words came out in a flow and again his facial expression was blank. How cold.

"I don't play friends", he stated cooly before leaving the house, closing the house door carefully. The rest of the evening I couldn't get what happened out of my mind. Scenarios kept running through my head and I wondered what was wrong with me. Since when did I have urges? Since when have I had the right to want something? No, too much thinking. I wanted to turn my mind off, so I texted Mikasa goodnight before falling asleep.