The World As It Is ; m.c.

Baby Steps.

Uncertain

adjective

1. (of a person) not completely confident or sure of something.

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I was walking through the grocery store, picking up things we'd run out of. I still hadn't wrapped by head around Michael's private confession or even wrapped my head around what I thought back.

I missed Dawn, and I felt like she was partly responsible for the situation I was in. She was completely responsible for the situation I was in, actually. Had she not left, I wouldn't have broken down, Michael wouldn't have comforted me and he wouldn't have confessed. I wouldn't have known.

I'd still be his best friend, unaware of any of this. I'd also still have my girlfriend, and a reality that made at least a little sense. Instead, I was standing in the frozen food aisle questioning every feeling, and all the aspects of love.

God, I was sad.

It had only been two days since that night, and Michael hadn't said anything about it. Of course he hadn't. When we woke up the next morning, he only asked if I was alright, but I couldn't answer. I didn't know if I was.

What's the definition of alright? Because, I honestly doubt it's having your girlfriend leave you without bothering to give you closure. Then having your best friend sneak into your room in the middle of the night in his underwear and proclaim his love for you. Leaving you to wonder how the hell you feel in return, becuase, shit, you don't know anymore. If it is though, well then, damn, I'm completely alright.

I needed to sit, feeling overwhelmed by everything again. Nothing was making sense anymore, especially me. So, I sat down in the frozen food aisle, not giving a shit about the people passing me, mumbling about why I was sitting on the ground in the frozen food aisle.

Standing had become hard and my head had gotten so heavy. Eventually gravity had won, and here I was, sitting on the ground thinking about Michael, Dawn and why the hell I was so confused about everything.

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I was at some party that Michael had dragged me to, it was now two weeks after that night, and Michael was trying to convince me to leave my house. He'd won the argument and I'd gotten dragged along. So, here I was, at one of his friend's house, where everyone was drunk.

I'd lost Michael almost immediatly and I was now contemplating searching for him or staying in the corner where I was hiding. I chose to stay, thinking if Michael came into the room I'd see him and his red hair above the dancing drunk people. Hopefully.

Instead, I saw a tall, I mean really tall, blond boy, who began to walk towards me. He was wearing all black, and, unlike all the other people here, didn't have a red cup in his hand.

"You're Sophie, right?" He asked, standing next to me in my corner. He was thankfully sober, but had still gotten my name wrong.

"Sophia," I corrected.

"Oh, Mike calls you Sophie all the time, I just thought that was your name," The Blond Tree said.

"You know Michael?" I asked, trying to think if I had ever seen him anywhere at school or in a picture on Michael's phone.

"Yeah, oh right. I'm Luke, I'm friends with Michael," The Blond Tree told me.

"Oh, yeah, I've heard about you," I lied, chances are I probably had, but I could never remember names when Michael told me stories about his other friends. I kept looking up at the Blond Tree to talk, he made me feel even shorter than Mikey did. Friggin' tall people.