Secrets of Love

By Myself

It had been two weeks since Aniya's been home and I had gotten no sleep. Brandon was helping, but I still felt like I was doing everything by myself. I looked a hot mess and I was funky. Seriously, I barley had time for a shower. It didn't help that he had little Abigail with us. Peyton was jealous, but I wasn't putting up with talking back and temper tantrums. Brandon took off of work, but it seemed like everyday there was an issue that only he could handle.

"Mommy, I'm hungry." Peyton walked up to me holding her baby doll by the neck.

"Okay. Give me a second, honey. As soon as I burp Aniya I'll fix you something." I had the baby on my shoulder sitting on the couch.

"No! I'm hungry now!" She yelled at me causing Aniya to cry.

"Shhh." I tried to sooth the baby. "Peyton, I'm not playing with you today. Sit down."

"I'm hungry! I want my daddy!" She yelled and threw the baby doll. It went over my head and hit a picture that was hanging up causing it to fall and shatter.

"Clearly you want a ass whoopin." I said putting a screaming Aniya into her rocker. Peyton knocked everything off of the coffee table before I snatched her up. I'm not going to lie I tore her behind up.

"Don't you ever as long as God breathes life into your body yell or throw anything at me or your sister. Do you understand me?" I asked holding her arm while she was crying. "Do you understand me?"

She just kept screaming. She was screaming. The baby was screaming and my head was killing me. I had all of two hours of sleep and I was exhausted. I sent Peyton to her room, she sat on the stairs screaming for Brandon. Aniya wouldn't stop crying. She didn't need a diaper change, she wasn't hungry and she wouldn't take her binky. The seed of Chucky finally stopped because she cried herself to sleep on the stairs. Aniya, however was not letting up. I couldn't take it anymore so I sat her in the rocker and sat on the couch and put my head in my hands.

I was overwhelmed and I cried because she was crying. I needed a break. I loved my baby, but I needed a break. I walked out of the living room and went to sit on the floor by the front door. I grabbed my phone and called Brandon.

"Hello?" He answered.

"Bran, you need to come home." I cried. I was wiping my nose on my shirt. "I-I can't do this. She won't stop crying."

"Calm down. Just sing to her and she'll stop."

"I did that! Brandon, just come home."

"You're overreacting. Stop crying and just walk with her back and forth." He sighed. I could tell he was getting frustrated.

"I'm begging you. Please come home."

"Camille, I'm in the middle of-" I hung up on him and threw my head against the wall.

I was calling somebody-anybody when the doorbell rang. I got up to open the door not caring who it was.

"Are you okay?" Lexi asked me coming in. "Why is the baby crying?"

"I've pumped enough milk to last her and you know where everything is." I said grabbing my wallet and keys.

"Where are you going?" She asked going to pick up Aniya who had started to quiet down.

"I did that. I-I picked her up and--I have to go." I said walking out and going to my car.

I didn't even look back as I got in my car and sped off. I had no direction. I just needed some peace and quiet. I pulled up to a hotel and I'm sure they thought I was crazy by my appearance. I checked into a room and the first thing I did was take a long hot shower. After that I got in the bed and went straight to sleep.

I felt so bad and I asked God to forgive me for being a bad mother. I didn't want to do Aniya the way Cat did me. I didn't think that I was going to be cut out for motherhood. I kept telling Brandon that I needed help, but he was ignoring me. I need help and I'm dramatic. Monique needs help and she's unfortunate. I was just so stressed out and for my baby to stop crying once Lexi picked her up. I was so hurt and sad.

I had so many missed calls and texts from everybody. It was after midnight when I finally checked my phone. I just didn't want to be bothered. To keep the peace I wasn't going to tell anyone where I was. I was just going to go home the next day and resume life as normal. I immediately went back to sleep not caring to think about anything else.

I woke up the next morning and decided that I wasn't going home. I sent a text to let them know that I was alive and well, but I didn't answer any questions. I went shopping only because I had no clothes with me. I spent most of the time sleeping and relaxing. I did a lot of thinking and reflecting also. I just hoped I didn't regret this decision.

When I got home there were so many cars in my driveway and street. I didn't even want to go inside. As soon as I walked through the door I tried to go straight to my room, but I was stopped by Bran. They were all in the living room.

"Camille, where were you?" He asked looking me up and down his eyes landing on the bags in my hand. "Why didn't you return our calls or texts?"

"Don't you have something at work to do?"

"I would be at work, but my wife is irresponsible and she left our children with our friend so she could do whatever she wanted to do."

"Brandon, I begged you to come home. Did I not?"

"Camille, I-"

"You don't do anything Brandon. I cook, clean, take care of the girls and everything else. I was tired!" I cried. "Peyton was being disrespectful and throwing things. She almost hit Aniya with the doll. Aniya wouldn't stop crying. She cried for like forty five minutes before I called you."

"So you leave? You just can't do that." He yelled at me.

I arched an eyebrow and stepped back. "Well you do it and see how easy it is. Especially when you have a four year old talking to you like she's an adult. I don't what's going on, maybe you need to spend some time with her."

"You don't tell me what to do with my daughter!"

"Right. I forgot since I'm the one that takes care of her, but you're right. She's your daughter." I nodded my head.

"Hey guys. Maybe you should just take a breather." Zay said stepping between us.

"No need for a breather. I'm done." I walked away and into the into the living room with them following. "Everybody out! Now!"

They were giving me sad looks and trying to touch me. If I wasn't nursing I would've gotten a bottle so fast. Brandon was standing there looking at me like I was crazy.

"Why are you still here?" I asked him. "Don't you have work? Maybe Monique needs your assistance with something." I rolled my eyes and brushed passed him.

"You need to talk to me. Where were you?" He asked grabbing my arm.

I looked down at my arm and back to him. I snatched my arm back and walked upstairs to my room. His daughter? He didn't even ask if I was okay. I just had a baby, my hormones and moods were everywhere. I didn't even know why I was acting the way I was acting. I knew one thing for sure we spent so much time rebuilding our lives just for it to crumble again. I didn't know if it was me or him. I did know I wasn't the same Camille I was when the first house of cards fell down.

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So loves what do you think is going on with Camille? Do you think she was wrong for leaving? Little Ms. Peyton is showing her behind! Thanks for reading.

I almost forgot my good news! Guess who got a job offer today? Yes, I did and I'm so excited. I prayed for this moment. Lucky? No. Blessed? Absolutely!

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