Stay With Me (Muke)

Ch. 15 - Killing Time, Killing Me.

And as I stumble around our apartment, half drunk & over tired, I find myself half singing 'Amnesia', no matter how many times I tell myself it's the worst song to be singing right now.

Calum & Ashton went out, saying they had an interview to go to. They said they won't be long, probably because they don't trust me enough to leave me alone for too long.

Why aren't I at the interview as well? I'm a mess. Ashton & Calum have been doing everything without me lately. Not because they are sick of me or anything, it's just that I can't, I'm always too drunk or depressed to do anything band related.

I've heard one question circling around the media, ever since Michael ended up in the coma, and it is: If Michael doesn't wake up, when will it be time to let him go?

The question kills me, but I can't say I haven't thought about it myself.

When is it time to let go? When does it reach the point where you're only holding on for your own selfish reasons instead of thinking about them?

I don't want to think about it, but it's hard not to, I mean, if Michael's not going to wake up, he could be stuck in bed for the rest of his life... That's no way to live...

Maybe when it reaches one year of Michael being comatose, if he hasn't woken up yet, we will let him go... But I won't be sticking around for the funeral, that's for sure.

My phone starts ringing from the kitchen counter where I had left it, and even though I'm in another room, I jump six feet high.

That's Michael's ringtone.

It can't be though, his phone is in our room. Switched off.

I run towards the kitchen, and the second I enter the room, the phone stops ringing. I hesitate before picking my phone up and checking it.

No missed calls.

"FUCK OFF!" I scream in frustration, unsure if I'm talking to Michael or nobody in particular.

"FUCK OFF!" I scream again, throwing my phone across the room. My phone hits the wall on the far end of the room and hits the floor, accompanied my the sound of the screen shattering.

The phone starts ringing again. Michael's ringtone again. "NO STOP IT!" I scream at the phone before running out of the kitchen.

I find my drink that I'd left by the television and chug the rest of it before dropping it onto the couch and running for the front door.

My shoes were sitting at the door, so I pull them on, grab my jacket, and run out the door as fast as I can. I run- or stumble- down the street.

One part of my brain is telling me where to go, one part is telling me it's a bad idea, and another part is trying to figure out if this is actually real, or just a dream.

Regardless of my mixed thoughts, I don't stop moving until I find myself on the edge of a bridge, looking down at the water below.

I glance up at the sky for a moment; it's full of grey clouds, so I'm guessing it's going to rain soon.

I glance back down at the water; it's quite windy today, so the water isn't all that calm.

My mind wanders back to Michael... Michael and his beautiful smile, his cheerful laugh, his silly jokes and puns, his colourful hair, and that voice of his that makes you melt.

I think of the countless times we used to fight during year 9, and the times after we became friends, when the fights ended in giggles and kisses.

I think of Michael waking up and not remembering me. I think of him waking up and only remembering when we weren't friends. I think of him not waking up at all. But worse of all, I think of him waking up and asking where I am, only to be told that I'm no longer here.

A sick feeling rises up into my throat and before I can stop it, I'm throwing up into the water below. I can faintly hear the sound of my vomit hitting the water, but I'm distracted moments later by the sound of worried voices.

I glance back and notices that at least two cars had stopped after noticing me, and the people in the cars were now running towards me, calling out my name.

Previous thoughts of Michael vanish from my mind as fear takes over. I don't want other people to get involved.

Wait... Why am I here?

As the people get closer, I start to panic more, and I make my decision without a moments hesitation.

I take a deep breath, close my eyes... And jump.