If You Miss It

14. this life

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

THIS LIFE

—

The rest of the week went by in a blur.

Dmitri had finally managed to pay his rent for the previous month and this month, the articles that he had been writing for the stupid fucking magazine was somehow enough to pay his bills, and he had even booked an eye appointment for himself, because honestly, his eyesight was only getting worse and worse, almost to the point where he couldn't read anything.

The only down of the week was that Tariq hadn't said a word to him.

He couldn't blame him, though. There was no denying that it was his fault and no one else's. But still, he wished there was some way to make things better, it was the least he could do.

Apologising definitely didn't work. He had learnt that the hard way when Tariq had cursed him out for even trying to apologise.

"Okay, are you ready?" Eden asked, snapping him out of his thoughts, and he turned around to face her, her eyes frantic. "Do you have your meds? Your laptop? And have you got a hotel? And—"

"E, what the fuck? It's a wedding, I'm only going for a day. And yes, I have a hotel. It's a cheap one that's shady as fuck, but that's okay because the expensive ones in L.A. are the cost of our fucking rent," Dmitri rambled, grabbing his glasses and packing them, almost certain that there would be something to read at the wedding, and he wouldn't be able to read it.

Huffing, Eden shrugged, handing him his keys, a giant bottle of water, and an extra charger. Jesus. "I'm just sayin'," she drawled, lips pursing together. "You're a very irresponsible adult, D."

As soon as those words left her mouth, a twinge of hurt erupted in his chest, her words repeating in his head. Should I tell her that that low-key stung? Or should I just—

"What's wrong?" Eden asked, a slight frown on her lips as she spoke. "Did I say somethin'?"

"Uh—" he began, hand involuntarily reaching up to touch the back of his neck, a nervous habit he could never really shake. "I don't particularly like that? Being called irresponsible or whatever," he admitted softly, not making eye contact with Eden.

Eden raised her eyebrows, confusion evident on her face when she said, "Huh? I've always called you that as a joke."

And I've always hated it.

It was rare, but the two of them did get into minor disagreements, sometimes. It was only natural, they were two very different people, with very different personalities.

But whenever they did, Dmitri hated it. He despised it, because as loud and obnoxious as Eden was, and as straightforward as Dmitri was, the two of them always, always shut down when they disagreed on something.

"Yeah, and now I'm asking you to stop." I don't want to have this conversation.

"Why?" Eden asked, head cocking slightly to the right.

Dmitri shrugged, anxiousness building up at the bottom of his stomach, bubbling up, because holy shit, while he was straightforward, he fucking hated confrontation. Especially when he knew that admitting this to Eden would make her feel bad.

"My parents— uh, they constantly called me like, irresponsible 'n shit," he mumbled, mouth going parchment dry, now that he was actually speaking. "Like, whenever I was in an episode— I didn't know that those were even depressive episodes back then— they would call me irresponsible for not completing my work on time. Or not getting out of bed to go to school. Or not eating, or anything really.