XO (BWWM)

Chapter Nine

so i decided to add in a little twist :) comment your reactions! Enjoy!

Chapter Nine

   I was panicking. My heart was thumping and my throat was lumping and my mind, don’t get me started. Tear’s pricked at my eyeballs and my whole body was nearly shaking. What was happening? Why was this feeling so strong? I hadn’t cried in ages, why was I about to cry now? In vain, I quickly opened up my phone and checked my messages.

There were none.

    I checked Instagram.

There were none.

   I checked Facebook, Kik, Twitter, WhatsApp.

None, none, none and NONE!

   I needed to calm down. I couldn’t be acting like this; I couldn’t be so desperate, so obsessed, and so lonely. It was Monday, three days after I had went out with Dane and I had heard nothing from him. Saturday night was the last time I had saw him and ever since then he didn’t text me or call me, not even to tell me he enjoyed the night or had fun, it seemed as if he had disappeared.

   At first I thought that maybe he was tired, we talked so much maybe he was just exhausted but then Saturday night passed and Sunday morning came and I still hadn’t heard from him. And then when Sunday morning had finished and so had Sunday afternoon and Monday morning came and I still had nothing. So I went to school, disappointed, upset and he wasn’t there. I didn’t see him at break or lunch and I waited like an idiot at my locker hoping that he had just be caught up and could give me a valid excuse but nothing.

He wasn’t in school; he was avoiding me.

   Aaliyah hugged me and walked me home and told me that she told me so but all the time I couldn’t listen. He was the first guy I had ever kissed, the first guy I had ever went on the date with, shit he was the first guy I ever properly liked and now he had disappeared. I had obviously did something wrong, he didn’t want to see me. I messed up, God what was I thinking? That I could have a boyfriend? Boys didn’t like me. I was not pretty or flirty or even very much interesting. I was Alex and Alex didn’t date boys because Alex couldn’t date boys.

   A part of me tried to be optimistic, maybe he got into an accident and I was overreacting but that wasn’t the case because at 7:59PM he read my messages and he ignored them. And at 9:21PM he posted a picture of his stupid bottom half which showed him in his stupid football kit with a stupid football and sports drink bottle. The picture was captioned “Focused and stress free…” and when I read that, I felt my heart sink down deeper than any anchor. I tried to let it go, telling myself that we weren’t dating, we weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend but after spending ten minutes staring at the picture, I cried. I kissed him. I kissed him!

   It was only until Wednesday that I saw him again. First period, English. He was sitting in the seat right next to mine staring out the window. With a tight face, I pulled up the seat next to him and sat down because we had to sit next to out presentation partners. I was so hurt, how could he ignore me like that? I needed answers, what had I done?

   “Hi Alex.” He said dryly once he had noticed me. Alex? Alex? What the hell happened to Alexandria being too much of beautiful name to shorten? He was messing me about and I wasn’t going to stand for it, no way. Who did he think he was? Who did he think I was?

   “Is this what you do to girls?” I asked through gritted teeth. “Do you flirt with them and tell you like them and take them out and then ignore them?” I hissed spitefully. Dane stared at me lost for a moment but then his lips quickly became a tight straight lines and all emotion in his eyes was lost. It was then that I noticed the dark circles under his tired eyes.

   “No, it’s not.” He replied shortly, with a tight clenched jaw. “Don’t take it the wrong way, I was ill and I wanted to be alone, with me and only me, sorry if it felt that way…I’m just not in a good state.” He continued, with his eyes beginning to look dark. I swallowed hard then looked away, so he wasn’t in a good state yet he was running around playing football? Could he not even try to sound a little bit sorry? Or even compassionate? Fine, whatever.

   We didn’t talk throughout that lesson, he just looked out the window and occasionally scribbled something in his book while I kept my head down did my work. Why was he acting so different with me? What had I done?! Aaliyah and Shay tried to talk to me but I was out of it. I didn’t want to talk to anyone; I just wanted to get my work done and go home.

   “Lexie don’t be like this.” Shay said resting her head on my shoulder as stabbed a fork into my chicken over and over. I wish it was Dane. That dead strip chicken on my plate, oh that dickhead!

   “I know! Alex trust me, he’s a bitch and if he’s acting that way with you then fine let him do whatever the fuck he wants, you two weren’t serious you weren’t on it like that, so what if you kissed him hun? I’ve kissed more boys than I remember, and look I’m fine! You’re fucking 16 next week, you’re not gonna mop around over some wasteman fuck no! We’re gonna go out and tun’ the fuck up and do whatever you like.” Aaliyah demanded staring into my eyes. I looked up at her, I had forgotten all about my birthday.

   “You’re so smart Alex, who needs boys? I mean I’ve definitely cut it off with Jerome and I won’t be speaking to that dickhead ever again, so that makes us both us! Fuck that white boy, we’re gonna make him wish he never fucked with you oh my God we can go out and get our nails done and hair done ad eyebrows and go shopping it’ll be great. Listen by the time I’m, done with you; you won’t even remember his name.” Shay added. I smiled at her. They were right. We weren’t going out; I didn’t need to be so emotional. I had friends that cared and a birthday coming up. Fuck Dane.

Go girl power and all that shit!