I'm Tired || Daisuga

- Worth

WARNING: Contains thoughts of suicide and other triggering things , if you are easily triggered please click away. (This notion will be above every chapter)

Suga POV

I woke to soothing circle being drawn on my wrist, which distracted from the pounding headache I had. Looking up I found my captain sitting next to the bed, why am I in bed still? Looking around, I recognized the nurses office, I wondered why we were here and decided to vocalize my question.

"... Daichi?" My voice came out groggy and muffled.

He looked at me, and right as I was about to ask why we were in the infirmary, I froze, seeing his eyes shift to my cheek. Automatically I knew I had a mark of some sort, from my father's slap. I prayed it wasn't that bad and that he'd let it slide. I blushed slightly as he tightened his grip on my hand.

"Who did that?" His voice dripped venom like I'd never heard it before.

A thought in the back of my mind told me it was my fault he was angry, considering I probably caused him to skip practice, and our fight yesterday, he hated me, I knew it. Trying desperately to keep the tears at bay, I plastered on a smile I didn't feel and played dumb.

"Did what?" My voice, sounding almost human, croaked.

"Don't give me that, drop the fake smile Suga, who slapped you?" His voice softened, but the edge was still there to make me assume he was angry with me. Daichi nodded towards my cheek, eyebrows hooded in seriousness.

"No!! Dai, you've got it all wrong. I fell while running to school and must've hit my face or something! Don't worry about it I'm fine." I said as convincingly as I could, smiling a little less wide.

He dropped my hand and stood up, glaring at the window, fist clenched. I'd be lying if I said he wasn't scaring me.

"What is it, Suga?!" He said calmly, "why do you keep lying to me? I'm trying to help you, but I can't unless you tell me what's wrong." He pleaded, sitting back down.

"You don't get it." I whispered, eyes watering as I pulled my legs to my chest.

"Then tell me, please, I know you're hurting Suga, but you don't have to do it all by yourself—"

I cut him off, not even caring about the tears that streamed down my face.

"Yeah, I do Daichi. I can't worry you, you're always stressed out by the teams shenanigans, and school, and games. I won't do it, I won't worry you with my stupid problems. And I can't tell the team because this year is our chance at nationals, like hell I'd distract them from that." I said plainly, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Meanwhile Daichi stared, wide eyed at me, lips parted in shock.

"Did you forget that you matter Suga..? The whole team needs you, I need you, but you keep putting everyone else above you.." he sat on the bed in front of me, placing a hand on my knee, "you're allowed to be not alright Suga, you can be upset and hurt, it won't make you weak." He tried to soothe me but it wasn't working.

"YOU DON'T GET IT." I all but screamed, then sobbed, "You can't get it. I'm not... good enough... for anything. I-I'm ugly and untalented, I can't keep m-my grades up, geez, I can't even keep my friendships, this is the second time we've fought in twenty four hours. I-I'm just a fucking disappointment." I cried, gripping my hair and willing my mouth to shut, knowing every word I said dug me further into this rut.

"Cut the sob story, Koushi. Get up." Said a harsh voice, making me flinch away from it. However, this sound came from the doorway, and I looked up, freezing as I made eye contact with a pair of dark grey eyes.

"D-Dad?" My voice was pitchy and squeaky, I internally slapped myself for the way it sounded. I can't worry Daichi. I told myself, before remembering the threats my dad made about being around him

In our current position, Mr.Sugawara probably was thinking the worst. I shoved Daichi's hand off my leg and stood a little too fast, swaying on my feet.

"Suga! Don't stand up so fast or you'll faint again." I winced at Daichi's words, knowing my father would comment on it.

"You fainted? Pretty pathetic. Stop being over dramatic and stop doing things for attention, you've waisted my time Koushi, the school called to say you were in the infirmary, and I show up to find you completely fine!" He scowled, shooting glares at me.

"Pardon me?" Daichi's voice returned to that venomous tone he used before and I shrunk away from both of them.

"You." My dad crossed his arms, eyeing my captain warily, "you must be Sawamura."

"How do you..?" Caught off guard, Daichi turned to me.

I stood between the two, probably pale from the nerves in my gut that made me want to throw up the non existent food I'd eaten that day.

"Please Dad, let's just leave." I pleaded, eyes watering again as he grabbed my wrist roughly, pulling me out the door. "Goodbye Daichi, thank you!" Was all I could manage.

"Disgusting. You really must be stupid if you can't listen to basic rules." He whispered to me as we scuttled down the halls towards the parking lot, "I thought I told you to stay away from him." He cursed under his breath as we exited the school.

I kept mumbling apologies I didn't mean, feeling utterly numb from exhaustion. I just stayed silent as he screamed profanities in the car, yelling slurs and insults, telling me to disappear, wishing I was never born, and whatever else he said, I stopped listening, having already made up my mind about a few things.

I'm tired, I thought.