Love, Again. [Suguwara Koushi x Reader]

Is It Him?

I couldn't stop crying. Not because of the pain, not the arguing, the shouting, the endless sleepless nights. I was crying because I knew it was about to be over.

I bounded down the dimly-lit streets of my hometown, pounding for a purpose with each pelt against the pavement. The pain shot up through my bruised legs, lighting a fire underneath me that carried me to the front steps of my brothers home. It was around 2AM, perhaps the foggiest night I had see in a while.

I haven't seen him in so long. What if he doesn't want to see me? What if he doesn't care? What if he tells me to leave?

Daichi and I always had a relatively close bond, but ever since he moved out last year for college, we had hardly talked. Mostly because I never had access to my phone as it was always taken from me. If I was ever talking to anyone, it never really was just a two person conversation. There was always a ghost lurking in the background.

Don't say that to yourself. He's missed you. He loves you. He's your family, he will take you in. You would do the same for him.

I was never close with my mother. She was always rather dismissive of me, unimpressed with anything I did. Trying to talk to my father about anything was like trying to have a conversation with a brick wall. Daichi was different, I could spill over onto him and he would gladly stay for a second round. That's just the kind of person he'd always been.

He hasn't missed you. No one in the history of the universe has ever missed you. You're worthless, unimportant. Stop lying to yourself that anyone cares.

My thoughts ceased to a halt as I let my left hand form a fist and knock sheepishly at my older brothers door. I heard scurrying in the hall and a slight clink at the lock.

"Sorry, I-(Y/N)? What on Earth are you doing here at this time?" he looked down at me in pity.

It's not like I wasn't aware I looked totally different from the last time he saw me, 4 months ago. I was skinny and pale, my hair was somehow greasy and dry at the same time. The mascara running down my cheeks was a stark indication that something was horribly wrong.

"What's happened to you? Get in here," he sounded like he was in pain, seeing me this way.

"Daichi, I-," I trailed off, but I couldn't finish my sentence. I decided to lay my forehead on his chest, because that could say more than I ever could. We stayed like that for a while.

"Here, take your jacket off and I will put some tea on. We can talk about this, okay?" he placed his hands on my shoulders and looked into my eyes with the sincerity you wouldn't be able to witness from a saint.

"Sure."

I placed my jacket on the arm of the couch, absorbing his new living space. It was a little messy, but incredibly clean. He had a stack of old DVD'S and games underneath the TV console and a sloppy pile of pillows to the right side of his couch. I took one and hugged onto it.

Daichi handed me my tea, "(Y/N), what's going on? I'm worried."

"...a lot." I looked down into my cup, taking in my appearance. Hollowed cheeks, pink eyes. No wonder he was concerned. "I'm sorry, Daichi. I want to be able to tell you everything, it's just...it's a lot. And it's difficult."

"I understand that. Would it help if I asked questions?"

"Potentially."

"Is it him?"

I fell silent and looked past my cup and down to my shoes. Of course it's him, Daichi, you know that. I probably couldn't have made it any more glaringly obvious. "Yes."

He slammed his cup down on the oak coffee table and arose, "I'm going to beat the shit out of him."

"N-no! Wait a minute," I stood up swiftly, tugging on his arm. "Please. I would rather talk to you right now."

"(Y/N), I'm sorry, but I'm going to struggle to sit here and listen to you talk whilst I can clearly see the bruises on your face and wrists. I'm going to kill him."

"Daichi!" I screamed. He stared at me ferociously. "Wait. That won't solve a thing. You know that."

He reluctantly sat back down, placing his head in his hands. "I'm so sorry, sis. I'm so sorry that this has happened to you," he began to let out a sob.

"Please don't cry. I'm okay, really. I came here to ask you something," he looked at me and gestured to continue, "I was going to ask if I could stay here for a while, just until things calm down. I don't want any trouble coming to mum and dad's doorstep. Not that I want any coming here either, it's just, I know you won't punish me, Daichi. It's the last thing I need right now."

"Of course. You can stay as long as you need. We should really report that bastard, though," he could hardly keep his eyes on me. I guess it hurt him too much.

"I really, really don't want to do that."

"(Y/N)..."

"Please, for one night, please let me have peace," I looked at him. He clearly could see that I was at the end of my tether.

Since just after Daichi had left home, I had been in a very intimate relationship. We were great at first. I felt so mature, as he was a college guy and I was only in high school, but things went sour pretty fast. It began with silly arguments that led to shouting. That then led to screaming, which led to pushing, shoving, slapping. It only escalated from there. My biggest mistake was moving into his home. My parents were totally against it, knowing he was an older man. Constantly I was being told that I brought shame to the family, I would end up pregnant before I even got a degree. I was a slut.

I was planning on waiting till after high school before getting really serious with him but sadly, that luxury was ripped out of my hands and placed in his. Everything was on his terms. Anytime he wanted it. Any day. Anywhere. And if I ever dared to speak up, I would meet his fury again. Even if I didn't speak up but simply looked in the wrong direction, or perhaps even breathed in a strange way that he didn't like, I was done for. I truly felt like the embodiment of everything that everybody called me. I was a slut, I was shameful. I was a disgrace.

The moment I questioned those things though, that's when I realised that the only person reinforcing these ideas into my head was him. He was the perpetrator all along. Not my mother or father, who had the right idea about him in the first place. Not any of the girls at school. None of them were making me feel like this, it was him the whole time.

"I'll set up the futon for you in here."

I didn't even have the energy to say thank you, I just went over and hugged him. He embraced me in his wide arms, only letting go to organise my bed. As soon as he had, I climbed right in and nodded off instantly, something I hadn't been able to do for the longest time as for the first time, in a long time, I truly felt protected and safe.

---

"Is she asleep?"

"Yeah, she lay down and pretty much passed out instantly."

"That guy has it coming."

"Indeed. Let's get going, Suga."