coffee girl

apologies

i stared into his eyes, he looked like he had been crying a ton too.

"i'm sorry" he said, i could tell he was trying to hold back tears.

i felt frozen, all i could was stare at him.

"what are you even doing here" i sighed, fighting to hold back my own tears.

"i...i feel bad. i messed up. i'm sorry" he cried.

i rolled my eyes and sighed, "look i don't know what's been up with you but i don't even know what is going on anymore" i admitted, "whatever this is that we have is so messy" i shrugged.

it got dark in my apartment since the sun had set, but i didn't bother turning any lights on. i invited him in anyways and we sat on the couch.

"you deserve an explanation" he said.

"..." i was silent as i stared at him, "what even is there to explain?" i genuinely asked.

he sat there wiping his tears, completely silent.

"look i don't know if this is something you just do where you play with girls feelings like a few weeks after meeting them, but i-" i started to rant.

next thing i knew i was engulfed in a comforting warmth. the smell of light cologne filled my senses. i could feel someone's arms around me, they were shaking.

"i don't know what to do y/n. i'm just as confused as you are" karl cried as he held me tighter, "i never had a girlfriend in high school. i haven't even had my first kiss. i don't know what to do or how to feel in these situations" he sounded genuinely confused.

i could feel myself become more empathetic. was i being too harsh on him? do my emotions have more control over me than i do them?

and once again, why the fuck am i even in this situation?

"karl..." is all i managed to say, because i didn't know what to say.

i'm new to all of this too, we are both confused. so how do we even get out of this?

"i know i was moving too fast when i invited you to london to meet my friends. i know it was so much to ask of you. i don't know what i was thinking. i don't know how these things work" he cried.

i stayed silent, tears streaming down my face as i was still buried in his arms.

"i'm not good enough for this. you deserve someone who knows what they're doing. i'm immature. i'm sorry" he confessed.

"immature? karl what? just because you don't know how to handle this doesn't mean you're immature. i'm new to all of this too, we can work it out together, okay? i'm not going to leave your side unless you leave mine" i rambled, not even thinking before i spoke.

he let go of his hold on me, and stared. he looked emotionless, shocked, sad, so many contrasting things at the same time.

"you're not alone in this. we both are confused. but i don't wanna give up just yet" i sighed.

he looked at me with sad eyes. i could tell he felt bad.

"y/n" is all he said.

"hm?" i looked at him.

"i like you a lot" he sniffled.

"i like you a lot too" i slightly smiled.

"i don't wanna give up either" he said.

"then we won't" i laid my head on his shoulder, "what's the point in giving up if we haven't tried yet" i said.

he rested his chin on the top of my head and sighed, "i'll try very hard for you y/n! i will not let you down!" he exclaimed.

i laughed, "thank you. i'll try my hardest too" i sighed.

and a few minutes later, i fell asleep in his arms. i felt him kiss my forehead before he left, "i think i might love you" he softly said.

he didn't realize i was awake to hear that, but maybe it's better this way. because now i truly know we both feel the same way about each other.