coffee girl

stay

a/n: skip if u want
thank u for the 1k+ reads i genuinely wanna cry from all of the support. like #3 in streaming????? y'all are crazy thank u i cannot express my gratitude i thought this book was literally going to flop </3 but ily all so so so so much :D

i was obviously early to the airport, my flight didn't leave until 6 and it was only noon.

i decided to go to starbucks to get something to eat.

i looked at the menu and memories came rushing back from when i first met karl.

"hello?" the cashier said.

"oh yeah sorry" i shook my head to get back in the right headspace.

"can i have a hot cocoa?" i said.

why did i order that? only god knows. it was something i ordered subconsciously, not even realizing i said it until it came out of my mouth.

i ordered a sandwich as well and sat down. i looked at my cup and got flashbacks of it sitting on karl's desk as he streamed.

how did i get attached to him so fast?

i checked my phone to see about 20 texts from him and the others. the only one i decided to check was wilburs.

wil:
you okay?

me:
yeah , made it to the airport safely :)

wil:
that's good!
karl looks so sad right now
me:
really
well i mean he kinda deserves it

wil:
LMFAO TRUE

i finished what i was eating and went to sit down, i decided to take a nap until it was time for my flight. there was no need to stay awake and keep worrying about the situation.

as always, i'm sleeping to avoid my problems.

i woke up to the sound of my alarm ringing in my airpods. it was time to fly back home.

i boarded the plane with a bittersweet feeling.

it was fun while it lasted, but i think i'm done with ever liking people again. it takes too much work and all it ever leads me to is heartbreak.

it was a long 7 hour flight. i got off the plane to inhale the dirty air of new york. it was pouring rain outside, and i didn't have an umbrella. i waited for my uber in the cold rain.

as soon as i got back from my apartment i changed into a hoodie and pj pants. i flopped on to my bed and completely broke down. it felt nice to let it all out and not worry about anyone seeing.

i laid there crying for a few hours. watching the rain fall on to my window, hearing the bustle of the busy streets down below. i didn't bother to check my phone, i had no one i was looking forward to text.

TRIGGER WARNING: suicidal thoughts/near suicide, please don't read if you get triggered by this!!! i will put in bold and underline the part you can skip to!!

also for everyone commenting about how y/n is overreacting or being a bitch. you're insensitive. please leave :) you are also making me as an author feel worse about my choice of plot and writing.

i got up from my bed and looked around my apartment, there was a soft pink glow surrounding everything as the sun was slowly setting. the colors were vibrant, yet i felt like i was sinking into black and white.

i ran out my door and walked up to the rooftop. it smelled of rain and air pollution. there was a layer of fog covering the skyline, and the setting sun reflected purple hues on to the city.

i walked to the edge and sat down, letting my feet swing. i broke down into tears, sobbing hard.

it wasn't that i was about to jump because of a boy, it was more of i felt like i was the problem in this world. it was no surprise when karl ignored me.

this is what i've been used to my whole life; getting replaced and being a burden.

that's all i'm here for, so why should i keep living a life of suffering?

plus, no one would even cry or bat an eye at the fact that i'm dead.

i watched the cars go by on the wet road down below. i watched as people walked by, their umbrellas bobbing up and down.

i wanted to jump off. i wanted to disappear. i wanted to completely end it. how easy it would be to disappear from this world and stop my pain. i watched as my tears fell all the way down to the sidewalk down below, blending with the already wet sidewalk from the rain.

you can't do this to yourself, you have to live
live for the moments of joy
don't let yourself get to your own head
you're better than this
you may feel like you have no one right now, but people will notice you're gone
people will feel bad for not stopping you from jumping off the edge.
they care.

a voice inside my head echoed over and over again. by then, it was dark outside and the glowing lights of skyscrapers illuminated everything around me. i decided that i didn't want today to be my death day, i didn't want to decide my death day.

i was going to live. for the sake of myself.

TRIGGER WARNING OVER: you can read from here:

i walked back down the stairs, soaking wet. i opened the door to my apartment and crawled into my bed, covering myself in my sheets.

i was covered in rain, my hair was wet as well as my clothes. but all i wanted to do was bury myself under my blanket and sleep.

i sobbed into my pillow when i heard someone knock at my door. i didn't feel like getting up so i stayed where i was, still crying.

a few seconds later, another knock. i ignored it again.

then another knock.

"WHO IS IT" i yelled.

they stayed silent.

i got sick of ignoring the knocking and decided to open my door. if it was a murderer, i honestly didn't care.

but there i stood, face to face, with a soaking wet karl jacobs holding two hot cocoas, a stupid smile written on his face with tears in his eyes.