Et Puis Etaient y Deux

This Diary Belongs To: Rouge Marie Artimage 

December 17, 2007

.................How do people start these things? Hello? Psst! Hell naw that's way to cliche! How about a long detailed explanation of why I even own a diary? Yeah? Okay.

Hi! *insert corny smile here* My name is Rouge. Twenty four year old chick with brown hair, brown eyes, creamy white skin....y'know! The typical.....although I've been told I have a nice butt before......huh.....ANYWAYS! I'm sitting here, on the edge of my roof at three in the morning  on this lovely December night, writing to you about the day that changed my life. The day that I re-met The Doctor. 

I wouldn't say that this is a typical love story with the lovey-dovey romance crap and three in a half kids. No....this is the story of my past life, human life, and the life that I'm currently enjoying now and forevermore. And you know what? It all started with a bag of pads. 

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"That will be $5.92 please." The Arabian cashier said to me, as he looked ahead with a poker face.

I was currently leaning against the counter casually but after this fool mentioned the price....my position quickly changed and my arms shot up in the air.

"$5.92!? Are you fucking insane!? IT'S JUST A BAG OF PADS! SUE A WOMAN FOR BLEEDING FROM HER VAGINA WHY DON'T YOU!?" I then jumped up on the counter and sat down Indian style. "I've got an idea.....how about YOU try bleeding from YOUR internal plumbing? Hmm!? NOT SO FUN AIN'T IT?" I screamed, jumping down from the counter. "HAH! I--I BET YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT INTERNAL PLUMBING IS? HAHAHA! YOU....YOU VIRGIN MONSTER! THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE! A VIRGIN MONSTER!!" "HAH!!" 

With a simple roll of the eyes, the Arabian cashier named Karpleek cleared his throat and said, "Would that be all miss or can I intrest you in some councling?"

Oh hell no! Okay....maybe I'm a little out of line with my temper at the moment but...come on! My wee-wee is spewing blood for fucks sake! D: But yeah....I'm not an angry person. Honest! I am however, a crafty bastard. And it is now time to traumatize this fucker so much, that his grand-kids get the chills! 

After a while of standing in place, flabbergasted, I casually strutted back up to the counter, unbuttoned the top buttons of my flannel, and prepared to make the speech of the month.....on my time of the month....but whatever! Mnnf! 

"You know....Karpleek." I coughed. "I think it's time you finally found out what a woman's internal plumbing looks like." With a small wink, I slowly and noticably scooted closer to the disturbed middle eastern. 

"I.....uh......I...I don't think this is--"

"Shh!" I cooed, slapping a finger across his lips. "You don't have to say anything...I know all about your testicle cancer."

Well that definitely killed the mood.

"It's okay!" I smiled fakely. "Just because your balls change frequently from a yellowish-orange color to a deep maroon doesn't mean I love you any less! In fact.....I think....I think it's hot!" After throwing in three of seven more 'casual' winks, I shot off the counter and began guffawing at the completely horrified figure curled up in the corner, with a tiny brown hand placed over his no-no parts.

And now my fancy buttchildren! IT IS TIME TO DISPERSE!! Before I get arrested for assault.........again.......

So with that lovely start of a morning, I skipped out of the deserted drug store with my pads slung over my arm, and a huge smile spread across my face. Ooh! Skipping is fun! Why haven't I tried this before? I mean...you get around faster skipping and I just got a distasteful sneer from an old lady! HAH! GLORIOUS!