An Unreasonable Amount of Pilots: A KiriBaku Story

Chapter 6

< CW - Depression, anxiety, semi- implied eating disorders > 

I don't realize I have tears in my eyes until I feel them streak down my cheeks, the sheer force of the memories I had tried to keep at bay for so long overwhelming me.

"To answer your question from earlier... After her death was when I... started to get depressed and anxious, blaming myself for it because... You know why I guess." I feel like I owe him an explanation for everything that's been happening, and for sticking with me through it all. "A lot of people at school thought it was my fault too, and I got harassed by the upperclassmen pretty regularly. This went on for... Around a year, I think? Until I started taking my meds, per my therapist's recommendation. They didn't really work though..." I take a deep breath, "My mental health kept declining and getting worse until one day I... I guess I thought I couldn't handle the pain anymore, so I tried to end it all by jumping off of a bridge. That's the reason my mom and I moved here. Nobody else knows besides... you now, I guess." I'm scared to see his reaction so I keep my eyes on my tea, "I had left her a note on the kitchen table telling her what I was doing, but coincidentally, she ended up getting home early from work early that day and found my note sooner than I had expected... and called the police in time to stop me from jumping." My knuckles are white from holding the mug so hard, the heat from the tea inside enough to warm them but not burn them. "I thought I had recovered from that but I.. guess not." I attempt a weak laugh, finally summoning the courage to look at him.

Kirishima's expression is one I've never seen before, shocking pain and anguish and pity in his eyes, his hands clasped together so tightly I can see the veins straining. He swallows, his adam's apple bobbing, before standing up and walking over to me. The couch dips as he sits down beside me and looks directly into my eyes, taking my hands after I set my tea down.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you Bakugou," He whispers, his expression cracking as he speaks. "I am so sorry. I could've helped you through that, I could've at least thought about how hard that must've been on you also. I promise I'll never leave you like that again."

His face is inches from mine, we're almost sharing breath.

"I-it's fine, you didn't even really know me then, idiot," I say, feeling my face heat up and looking away. I don't have the strength to pull my hands away though, and he hugs me, wrapping his warm comforting arms around my shoulders and waist and burying his face in my hair. I know the blush on my face must be a sight to see by now; I can feel it spreading to the tips of my ears.

"I'm so glad you didn't jump." He whispers into my hair.

This idiot, how is he so... so fucking stupid. How can he say things like that that make me feel this way? How is he so fucking comforting? And nice. And warm. And handsome. Jesus Christ.

I give in and turn my head back into his chest, my hands lacing around his solid torso. I breathe in the smell of him, feeling relief for the first time that I hadn't been able to jump that day. I never would've gotten to know Kirishima like this, and I never would've discovered how... happy he makes me. I wish I could stay like this forever, wrapped up in his arms, the comforting feeling of him spreading over me like a blanket. I don't want to die right now.

God damn it, I love him so much. God damn it.

He pulls away though, leaving me cold and missing the security of his embrace. I don't know what to do with my hands now though, so I just awkwardly fold them in my lap, still blushing like a schoolboy.

"Hey, are you ok? You look a little warm." He says, frowning, "Are you sure you're not sick? You seemed a little red yesterday too if I remember correctly." He leans forward and presses his forehead to mine, our noses touching, making me choke and jerk my head back.