Tired of pretending (kiribaku)

Chapter 40: Epilouge

Bakugos P.O.V

-months later, December 15th-

The last couple months have been rocky. Despite everything that's happened I still can't help but feel the urge to harm myself , but I've got Kirishima here to help me. The thoughts haven't disappeared but merely integrated themselves into my head . There nothing but a dull sound in the back of my mind.

I'm not perfect, I'm not cured, I'm flawed. I still can't stand being around fire and even the smallest of sudden noises make me jump but I'm getting better, slowly. Kirishima has been my one tether of support through this slippery slope.

He stayed with me while I was in the hospital , visited me more than everyone else until I was fully recovered. I couldn't live without him.

He helped me through everything, even when they took me again he was the one who had found me, I couldn't help but feel happiness swell in my chest. It was a weird feeling, happiness that is. I was used to burying it so deep that it only shown whenever I had my make down.

That mask is gone now, all that's left is the broken pieces that I haven't bothered to pick up.

I built the mask because I thought that I was safer hiding underneath it , but I'm not. If I hide behind the wall of lies I fall victim to my own consciousness.

I had always been afraid to take off the mask In fear that I will break down, that I won't be able to protect myself. My greatest fear is vulnerability, everything I've ever done is to keep me from being viewed as weak , vulnerable.

Growing  up I always thought that being vulnerable was a weakness but really , people who take a risk and let other people in are better off than those of us who refuse to be vulnerable.

Kirishima put himself out there, gave other people the chance to break him down, but instead they embraced his vulnerability and shared some of theirs with him. It was weird now understanding what I had been missing. Why I was always so cold and distant, so filled with jealousy and rage.

The rage stemmed off from my lack of ability to let my guard down, instead of sadness I switched right to anger, instead of pity I switched right to spite, trying to blame others for what I was dealing with instead of looking at myself. It was flawed way of thinking but I thought it had helped me survive at the time.
If I could go back I would have been nicer, I wouldn't have told midorya to kill himself..I would have become friends with him, maybe then things could have changes sooner.

A little while after gusting Kirishima I faced my mother In court , it was one of the scariest moments of my life. Staring into her cold glare as I testified against her, she got 10 years for abuse along with extra for robbery and other petty crimes. That day was tough but Kirishima came and supported me along with the rest of the class.

I felt truly happy, despite my brain telling me other wise, I knew I couldn't just get over all of my depressing thoughts but I was trying hard to stop them from appearing , even taking medication to make them disappear.

Along with my depression my fear of fire is still raging , the other night I saw the slightest flame on the stove and I nearly broke into tears, they apologized profoundly but I felt guilty. The fear was extremely irrational and I knew that but I couldn't bring myself to stop crying. Slowly though the wounds will heal,a Amy therapist said , physical wounds can heal but emotional wounds may last longer than any injury.

I was suddenly snapped out of my thoughts by the sound of an alarm clock buzzing, signaling it was Time to wake up.

I slammed on the stop button and sat up, glancing at myself in the mirror across from my bed.

My appearance was disheveled but I felt oddly contempt with myself, maybe today would be better than all the others.

After all I got to see Kirishima again.

With that I sat up from my bed and began to get ready for another Monday morning, knowing full well that I was done pretending to be someone I wasn't, I was tired of pretending, it was time to start actually living.

———————————————————————————A/n: so I went a bit writing crazy, this is the end though, it's crazy that they had 40 chapters I didn't expect it to have that many when I first started writing it, but here I am.

And thank you so much for 8k reads i didn't expect to get there , I really appreciate it, this story will also slowly be going under editing since I'm done with it, I'm going to list likely re write a couple chapters but the main story will stay the same. Thank you so much for reading and I hope you have a fantastic day/night