Tired of pretending (kiribaku)

Chapter 19: The hard question

Tw: slight mention of self-harm and self hate

Bakugos P.O.V

That damn question.

It echoed through my head, leaving me speechless.

The panic that had slowly subsided was bubbling back up to the surface, making my frail form shiver.

"Nothing happened hair for brains...it's just a fashion choice..." I attempted to hold his gaze but found myself staring at the ground. His look of pity making my heart heavy. I knew my excuse was weak but I hoped he wouldn't push it, He didn't need to be weighed down with my own problems.

"Bakugo... you don't have to lie, can I see what happened...?" He asked me with a somber expression.

"NO...it's ..ugh fine its just from cooking you extras dinner last night.." I felt something shift inside of me that made it difficult for me to hold back tears, I felt weak, pathetic. The thoughts seemed to return to tell me these things, like I needed any reminders.

"Bakugo...after your little ..episode you hid in your room for the rest of the night , you never even touched the stove..." He picked apart my lie in a second I heard myself let out a string of cursed under my breath before turning to face his cute face.

Okay maybe I had caught feelings for the red head but I was in to deep to worry about that, Besides he was probably straight regardless, even if he was a homosexual he would never wanna date someone like me.

The feeling of panic seemed to rise in my chest , my shaking seemed to be getting worse as I tried not tinier it show to Kirishima.

"You don't know that ...I could have touched the damn stove like hell if you'd know what I've been doing you ,Don't have a camera on me.." I argued, my palms sending off warning explosions from all the sweat that was being produced.

Kirishima glanced at me with a look of pity , he knew , I couldn't let him figure out the truth.

The truth was something I buried deep down underneath the thick wall of anger and rage I used but lately it had been cracking, chipping away until only a thin shell remained, almost nothing to protect me. I felt weak and vulnerable, Letting the thoughts ,that had pestered me even before Ua, win.

They were just words so why did they hurt so much.

     "Tch..I don't need your damn pity...M'fine I just ...I .... " I stopped talking after realizing I had no logical excuse to explain the hand shaped  burns that ran down both my arms.

     "Bakugo did someone hurt you ..?" His voice sounded loving, it almost seemed like he actually cared about someone as worthless as me. But that would never happen.

     "Tch..no one hurts me and gets away with it,I'll kill them" I replied in my usually annoyed tone.

I shifted my gaze away from him and onto the floor, hiding my arms behind my back slightly hoping he would just drop the subject.

"Bakubro ..if you don't wanna tell me that's okay but can I please see how badly you got hurt I don't want you to be in pain..?"

"Fine.." I responded, knowing he would keep bugging me if I didn't let him.

I slowly rolled up my sleeves with my now shaking hands, wincing at the slightest contact. I couldn't bare to see what harm I had caused to myself.

I felt Kirishima slowly unwrap my hastily done bandages, the contact burned my skin and sent waves of pain through my body.

I suddenly heard him gasp. I glanced in his direction to see a couple tears leak down his face.

"B-bakugo...why.." he sounded like he was struggling to find words to say.

     "Why .... just damnit this is why I wanted you to f**king drop it.." I struggled to keep my voice from cracking as tears began to run down my face.

     "I'm fine ...I'm fine ...IM FINE.." I yelled, wanting so badly to just disappear.

      "Bakugo...please don't do this to yourself...please
...I'm so sorry for not noticing sooner" I saw tears now dripping down his face as well, how could I make him cry what kind of friend was I.

I suddenly felt warm arms wrap around me, it was kiri, he was hugging me tightly. I felt some of my panic dissolve at his touch, A blush spreading across my face at his closeness.

"M'sorry ..for yelling.." I mumbled, cringing inwardly at how weak I sounded. More tears spilling down my face.

"It's okay bakugo..it will be okay" he began to run his fingers through my hair carefully, though I wouldn't admit it , it felt nice.

After my crying reduced to quiet sobs and sniffles he unwrapped his arms from around my torso.

"I..uh I'm sorry bakubro.." He mumbled while backing away, His face a slight red color "Are you feeling better ...? I think we should go to recovery girl..it's bad bakugo..." he pleaded.

"I can't let anyone else know.....I'm f**king fine, it's been worse and it barely even hurts anymore" I mumbled in a broken voice, wincing when Kirishima brushed over one of the burned areas.

"Bakugo your not fine .. we are going to recovery girl regardless of if your ego lets you.." His face twisted into an angry expression but I could still see the concern in his eyes.

"Fine sh***y hair.." I grumbled, standing up slowly and putting my arm against a tree in attempts to support my shaking limbs. Not eating for a couple days was really having an effect on me.

His eyes seemed to brighten at my words and he began walking back through the forest, waiting for me  to follow him.

I quickly rolled down my sleeves, trying to ignore the stinging pain that occurred when my sleeve scratched against it. I quickly caught up with him and we walked back towards the school together.

I made sure to wipe away any loose tears and to put on a scowl as to not alert anyone that I had just been sobbing my eyes out into kiris chest moments before.

The lunch bell rang as soon as we walked into the building causing everyone to begin walking to where there next class was located, I subconsciously lowered my head as my anxiety made me very uncomfortable in large crowds. This was why I tended to make people fear me, they avoided me then.

      "Recovery girl..?" Kirishima called out as we walked into her office, I glanced up to see her sitting behind a desk working on some sort of paper.

     " yes...?" She asked, giving us both a warm smile.

     "Can you heal bakugo please he got burned whole he was ..uh cooking something last night, he thought it was just go away so he didn't tell anyone ..you know how he is" I heard him mumbled the last part and internally thanked him for not telling her the truth.

      "Okay can you show me we're you were burned sweetie..?" She asked in a sweet voice while hobbling over to me.

      "Tch..Whatever" I grumbles ..slowly rolling up my sleeves and trying not to look at the injury.

     "Oh my.." she commented , her eyes narrowing as she glanced up at me, I could tell almost immediately that she knew kiri had just lied but she didn't say anything.

She gave me a kiss and I felt the burn marks starting to fade until they became dull scars that were still visible. The pain faded as well which somewhat relieved me until a wave of exhaustion hit me.

I felt like I had just run a marathon and my eyes became heavy.

      "Rest now darling" I heard her voice say but I was  barely conscious now, the last thing I heard was kiri mumbling something to her before I drifted into unconsciousness.

———————————————————————————A/n: I am so sorry that took so long I had a busy Sunday to and was trying to write this but I ended up having to rewrite the whole thing since the other version of this chapter didn't turn out that great, I'm still not fully happy with this chapter but I think it works for the sake of the story.